angel

Story of My Boring Life
2002-12-10 10:02:07 (UTC)

Man what a shit hole of a day

Okay so where do i begin? ok i have come to the conclusion
that many of life's necesities are not readily available to
a lonely guy like me. man i hate to sound emo and pathetic
but i feel lonely. yesterday i was ranting and raving on
about how great nikki was and what not. i realized today
that after talking to her i don't really have too much of a
chance. i don't think i'm her type really. on the phone it
seemed as though we could not find much to talk about. i
still had a wonderful conversation with her but i don't
think she was too into it. i think that basically yesterday
i was VERY stoked about finding a really cool girl. i have
come to the conclusion that nikki is a really cool girl and
that's probably going to be the only thing she is to me
because it seems at this point that a relationship
established between two strangers that met one night at an
IHOP will not happen. man i sound really pessimistic but
hey that's how it is i suppose. i don't want it to be at
all. from the little time i talked to her i really dug it.
but i'm going to be realistic. i just met her once, hung
out with her for about 30 minutes, and talked to her on the
phone for about 5 maybe 10 minutes so getting my hopes up
for a relationship is probably a long way off. i hope
something does develop but gradually today i began to come
back down from my cloud 9-like state of mind from meeting
her. i also do not want to sound very wishy washy but after
realizing that the chance of me actually getting involved
with a total stranger was slim to none, i looked at what i
thought i had. i felt so bad for ranting on about nikki
when hannah in all serious reality had the advantage. i
already knew her, i got to know her better, and we already
don't have a problem really talking to each other. i don't
know what to think right now because hannah just told me
that she has feelings for this one guy and that we'll
probably be just friends. that's cool and all but i kinda
looked at hannah as a potential girlfriend. i mean come on,
i told her that i thought she was swell and i being really
honest. i'm kind of confused right now. these last two days
or so have been really great but strangely ambiguous at the
same time. they have been sorta like the whole ignorance is
bliss and let me tell how good and bad it felt at the same
time. know that i have come back to this wonderful world
that people have aptly named reality i'm alone again. i'll
write some more tomorrow. maybe i'll be happier.




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