Scenes from a Marriage
2001-08-28 14:19:52 (UTC)

Tuesday, August 28th

My son started 5th grade, yesterday, however it was
bittersweet. His best buddy is in there, who lives down
the street, so that made him happy. His teacher is the one
who ran the math contest last year, and so I think she is
going to do a good job of challenging him with math. They
had homework last night, which bummed him out, but it was
very easy stuff for him to do.

Friday, the answer came---the aunt called me, and told me
the letter had come to their house (hubby's went to the
attorney), it was 99.9% that the child is his. Then
yesterday came a letter from the state telling him his
court date is October 29th, which I am sure is for child
support. My lawyer said since he is not contesting things,
she can draw up the papers and have each of us sign them
and neither one of us have to go to court. That will be
nice as long as he doesn't go back on his promise. Right
now though I am having trouble getting him to keep the one
promise leaving if the test came back positive.

I already talked to our marriage counselor to bring her up to speed,
and she is just kind of in shock about this whole thing. She thinks
that I should see someone for myself to work though how I feel about
everything. I told her that I think she needs to get him to see that
he needs to make his decisions about his life with his daughter
without me in the middle. I just can't see him being the kind of
person who just gives up on their child, he was never that way when I
was pregnant with Benjamin.

We made it through the marriage counselor, it ended up being a two
hour session (good thing, she doesn't always bill us). I had made a
raving list of things that he would need to do for me to even begin
to trust him again, she laughed at some, but said she was glad to see
I hadn't lost my sense of humor yet. She told him she thought space
was best for now, and I think he really understands---he said that he
is in a different place with things (the baby) and that I have to
find my way there or find my way out.

I have a "cry in our beer" session with BAM next week---we talked on
the phone today, he said he is moving him mom back here from
Atlanta. He is such a sweet guy, I told him he is not even going to
believe what I tell him, and that I wanted to do it face to face.
Somehow over the past two years with hockey he has gone from someone
who never speaks, to someone I feel I could pour my heart out to. He
is a good friend to anyone he is friends with, and any grown man who
treats his mother the way this guy does should be looked at very
closely. While I would never throw myself at him, because I could
just see how that would turn out, I do harbor a HUGE crush on him.
Does he know? I doubt it, though I know he did see me watching him
the night of the hockey banquet, while he was talking to some guys.
Maybe we just have this mutal admiration for each other, I think he
is this great guy and he thinks I handle his team well, but maybe
neither of us know the real person.

This is where my adventure truly begins, as I set out to discover who
Michele is has been 10 years since I have been the
outspoken, opinionated person I once was. I have whittled that down,
and bitten my tongue too many times to count. But, it is my turn to
find my place in life, with who I want in my life!!