*Chi* a.k.a Chanette

Starting from Scratch
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2002-12-09 21:14:16 (UTC)

go on, take everything...I dare you to ~Hole

"i get what i want, then i never want it again...."
what a great line.

so i've found that i'm entirely addicted to this online
journaling shit. it's an experience. i guess i haven't
really properly intorduced my life and what is goin on.
why the 24 hour death? well i just moved to good ol' north
carolina, from oklahoma, where i was living with my
girlfriend (amy...you'll hear alot about her)...my kitten
ms.lucifer, and had a car. well in a matter of 24 hours i
died. my gf cheated on me, i cheated on her, she helped me
lose the car,kept ms. lucifer, and i had a flight with
america airlines to come back to the eastcoast. so i'm
starting over, but that's not it.
i now have a scar on my face from my ex bringing her
butch ass friends over to jump me, hold me down, and let
her try and claw my eyes out. *pffft* i survived.
so now once a week attend counseling, because i also had
a problem with trying to make my family oh so proud of
their daughter. and led them on to beleive that everything
in oklahoma shitty was ok, and i was fine, and everything
was being paid for....hm...when actuality i was having to
hustle and steal just to get money to eat , or gas for my
car. so yeah, i basically fucked myself up the ass when i
stayed. i stayed to be with amy, i thought she was the
one...wrong, god. now thinking back, that girl was the
death of me. even tho she was older than me, i was
constantly taking care of her...i mean ridiculous shit. i
dun wanna talk about it!
yeah so, that's a little more than i'm sure you all
wanted to know, or i wanted to expose or even write. but it
feels good to finally just say fuck it, yeah...girls suck.
why did i ever choose to be a lesbian. *meh*bah* i blame
myself.

i say yeah...it's time to turn up the hole,
get a bullet proof soul
and get the hell outta america!

c***


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