My Heart and Soul....
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2002-12-09 03:33:30 (UTC)


Well....I guess life does go on. I don't know what the deal
is with Andy. I've heard so many different stories now, and
I don't know what to believe. So fuck it. I can't make him
change....I just wish that all my friends would mind their
own buisness, because people who think they know about me
tell him shit, and it's not the truth, and I'm getting
pissed, because I know that it is influencing things. And
also I have a sneaking suspicion that certain people might
be trying to get me away from him, so they can get their
claws dug into them, which pisses me the fuck off. Ya'll
know how I am about my men, and I swear that if someone
steals this one from me...she wil wish she never met me,
because I am about finished with other girls taking guys
from me just because they are floozies.

BUT WHATEVER. I cannot spend my time worrying about guys.

I guess I will find the right person when it is time. I was
talking to my gram today about it. She is still dead set on
me and a certain man whom I despise...but she has had her
heart set on him since the day she met him, and I don't
think she'll be satisfied until he proposes to me....but
that's got about a snow balls chance in hell of
happening...so I'll have to dissapoint her. But anyway....we
were talking about how all my life I've been a person who
needs affection. When I was little, I craved it from anyone
who was willing to give it to me, and as I've grown, I moved
away from my family...and needed it from the guys in my
life. But my problem is that I can never find someone who
fulfills my needs and wants. She told me that whatever
happens, she doesn't want me to lower my standards, because
so far, there have only been 3 guys in my life...and all 3
of them she loved. And she doesn't want me to end up with
someone who isn't good enough for me.

So...I'll stick to my guns, and hold out in the hopes that I
meet someone that piques my interests. IDK though. I'm not
much in the mood for going out lately. I won't date someone
from high school. They piss me off. And I don't want to get
involved with someone who is in college because that is just
asking for problems when I ship out, and with the whole
trust thing that we all know is an issue. So maybe the best
thing for me to do is to just stay single, and let my
friends do their own damn thing. I am done with this shit
of watching all my friends with their bf/gf whatever. It
pisses me off, because even though I've spent the last 10
months telling them, they still cannot understand that it
hurts me to see them all so happy when I still have no one.
AND it's nt any easier to hear them talking about all the
guys that have crushes on them, or that they have crushes

People have no respect. I'm in a bad mood.

I'm going to bed.