Trapped

Me
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2002-12-08 14:56:10 (UTC)

Druggie Friends

Lets see,
today I'm going to hang with Trica. That will be
cool, we dont hang out as much as we used to even though
were in some of the same classes. Hopefully we'll do
something fun, mabye the mall. Anyways, mabye I'll talk to
chris today. that would be nice too. I dont know even
though he lives so far away and i barley know him he sill
means alot to me. I'ts weird like he hooked me while on
vacation. I hardly know him and I still think about him
alot. I dont think I like him in a way more then a friend
but... mabye thats cause I dont want myself too. I dont
know he's really hot, he got a great personality. He does
drugs and i guess that worries me. Like i dont even think
he cares if he dies. On the path that he's taking now from
what I know Chris will die of an overdoes or his body will
simply shut down. When i lost his email i think that gave
me a chance to think about him and thy way things are and i
came back into control. I was no longer obsessing over him.
I think that was good. I dont want to be obsessing over a
guy that lives 1000 miles away ( as he puts it) I guess i
took nice thing he said to me and hung on it. I was so
stupid. I fell for a guy that live in Maryland that i met
over summer vacation. I guess when i thought about him over
the time period that i lost his email i relized that im
wasting my time. He most likely does not like me like that
and were just friends and i guess in that time period i
became ok with that. I dont know it's stupid for me to even
be thinking about getting married but i guess i dont want
to just date a guy just for the sake of dating him. Over
the summer i met a couple of guys and it was nice excpet
for the fact that they were all duggies. For awhile it was
cool, and i guess im still ok with the fact that they are
druggies, but i guess in the back of my mind i keep seeing
my dad and his alcohol problem and i think "Do i want my
life to be like that" i want to back away from the very
people that mad me happy. I guess mabye im over
exaggerating here. I mean I'm not dating Chris or Mike, and
probalby never will, But isnt there a reason for eveything that
happends. I meet Chris and Bill, Mike. He made me lose Chris's email,
he had a reson for all of that. I just dont know what yet. Mabye in
10 years when im all grown up and im living out of this crappy
old town I'll meet one of them again. From there I'll know
why i met them. Who knows, i guess it just opend
my eyes when i met those three. It made me think that
druggies can be ok, that there not just potheads. Chris was
amazing, he had a mind of his own. I guess it was not what
the movies and how other peoeple portray druggies. They can
be really cool and not be all stonend out. I guess thats
just when their high. I guess mabye deep down inside im
just jealous of them all, that they could do somthing like
that and not get caught, with me i most likey would not get
caught but i dont know how to even get the stuff. I know if
i tried hard enough i could but. Who knows mabye this
summer. Anyways i guess what i want to say is Chris means
alot to me, more then i think, and i would never want him
to die. Even though i hardley know him, he still means
alot to me. Like a brother but in the sense that he cute
and shit and i would date him if the setting was different.

*Kat* - (Meow)


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