Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2002-12-07 09:50:30 (UTC)

Did something...

I took advantage of my having had nearly 3 shots worth a
couple hours ago. I told Dave that if I were single I'd
fuck him tonight. He said he thought I was waiting (which
I kinda am). I said there were nights he is hard to
resist.

He then told me he still has my voicemail from the night I
got drunk and he listens to it now and then. I was quite
pleased to hear that. It made me feel good inside.

I have a feeling that if we did get together it would
never work because we've both built eachother up to be
someone amazing that we might not really be.

I mean I say shit just to get him in the mood. It's not
all true or what I'm really feeling at the time. I just
say it because I feel like it.

I don't want to lead him on, but it just kinda happens. I
say things I shouldn't when he's around. Why do I
suddenly go outside of my shell and go all crazy with
him?

I say shit I wouldn't say to anyone else. Shit that I
can't even say to his face. I am going to apologize
tomorrow for the wanting to fuck him comment. I shouldn't
tell him that since he can't have me.

I have John. I am totally happy with John. He's been a
little clingy this week and missing me more than usual,
but I love him to death no matter what. I do have to say
that is simply how I feel today. I cannot say what the
future hold instore for me. I think I'll marry John and
have 2 or 3 kids, but I don't know for sure.

I found out tonight that Cal gave her "Collegate Orgy"
shirt (blue shirt with the letters CO on in large type) to
Mandy. I didn't quite know how to take that. I have the
only other one out there and was co-author of the
title "Collegate Orgy". Now Mandy has the shirt. Oh
well. I know Dave isn't after her now so it's all good.

Dave has a date tomorrow and I am really happy for him. I
am hoping that one of the girls he finds soon will become
a girlfriend. He so needs to get laid I wish I could
help him out, but in all honesty I wouldn't have sex with
him while dating John.

I should go to bed right now since it's quarter to two in
the morning here. I just can't seem to get myself to go
to bed though. I guess I'll go potty and call it a
night. I am really tired.