Sullen Girl

A Bird Upon the Wind
2001-08-27 03:36:55 (UTC)

Just feel like talking still

Well, I guess there's no law against writing in a journal
twice in the same day, is there? It's 11PM, and I just had
a brief talk with my dad. He wants me to make an
appointment with a doctor for my depression. He also wants
me to sign up for classes at the community college, which I
don't want to do. I would much rather just work, and worry
about school when I go back to my school in North Carolina.
But that is not what I want to talk about. Tonight I want
to tell the story of my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, or
whatever I am supposed to be calling him now, it's all too
confusing.


I met my boyfriend, we'll call him Jake for his own
anonimity, I met Jake quite some time ago. I was living
with 5 girls I had been friends with in the dorm. We had
fun freshman year so we got a big house to party in and
have a good time. One of my roomates, Jane(also not her
real name), had a boyfriend-Jake. At first Jake and I were
just friends, infact I was better friends with Jake's
friends than I was with Jake because they lived near us,
but Jake only came to visit on weekends.
Well it was Halloween and my friends, Jakes friends and me
and Jake all went to the huge fun Halloween bash at UNC
Chapel Hill. Jakes girlfriend had to work. So we went
partying and drinking and one thing led to another and Jake
and I started dancing and we just danced all night
together. Then when it got late we went back to the hotel,
and Jake and I ended up in the same bed. So lights went
out, and we started to kiss, and it was like magic. His
lips could not have felt any better on mine. It was the
kind of kissing that was so intense it made you dizzy, but
in a good way. Well ofcourse all of our friends knew we had
hooked up, but nobody told Jane. And Keith and I always
tried to pretend like nothing ever happened. But I couldn't
forget that kiss. I liked him. I thought he was cute and
funny and smart, and way too good for Jane, who was boring
and not so smart or attractive. And you have to understand
that it was quite obvious to everyone except Jane that Jake
was not happy with her anymore, but he didn't know how to
break up with her after dating so long.
So months later, like in January, you will never guess what
happened! Everyone was partying at my house, but ofcourse
by the end of the night everyones going to bed and Jake and
I end up being the last ones up just talking, drinking and
hanging out, and somehow I end up in his lap, just sitting
and talking and maybe kissing a little and who wakes up and
finds us!?? Jane!!! PISSED!! Luckily we were not kissing at
the time, but still I was in his lap. Anyways so she starts
yelling at me, but mostly at Jake so I leave the room.
After she talks to Jake, I convince her that nothing was
going on and it was my fault. Fine, life goes on, except
for the fact that they break up four days later. But Jane
never tells us, because she has been kind of avoiding the
house, but Jakes friends tell us, and I call Jake to find
out its true, and it is!
So we start emailing eachother since he obviously wont be
around the house anymore. And his school was an hour away,
so on my way home to Virginia one time, I stopped there to
visit him. And we just kept getting together because we
liked each others company, and soon I knew I was falling in
love and he did too.
I knew I couldn't go on sneaking around behind Janes back.
I wanted to spend more time with him. Spring break was
coming up and I was leaving town soon, so I decided to tell
her the night before I left. I asked her to come up to my
room so we could talk privately, and we did, I told her.
She didn't yell or get angry, but I knew I had hurt her,
and so had Jake,we didn't do it on purpose it just
happened.
Well pretty much Jane moved out in March or April, and that
was that. I actually ended up having a class with her later
on, and that was quite awkward. But Jake and I continued
our romance. Oh it was so magical, I cry now just thinking
about the magic in the air, and the feeling of being so
high, but not taking any drugs. Love is a drug, and it
feels so good. I had never felt this way in my whole life.
Most guys I dated were assholes, and didnt love me. But
Jake did. We could just look into each others eyes and know
exactly what the other was thinking. We were an hour away
from each other, and every minute apart I missed him. We
would cry on the phone together because we missed each
other so much. And when we kissed, you could feel the
energy passing through our lips. I never thought this
feeling would end. We had only been dating a year and
talked about marrying eachother in the future, not now but
someday.

I think I will end this on a good note, and tomorrow tell
how things beagan to change. Til then, goodnight.