Ad 0:
2001-08-26 23:04:56 (UTC)

Problems, Problems

Tell me, do you see me?

Sometimes I wonder if anybody does. I feel like I can never
show my true face to the world anymore. There are too many
cold people with cruel feelings and critizing remarks...
And what if i got hurt? And not just that. But how
uncomfortbale would I feel, if someone knew me. And i mean
REALLY knew me. Every thought and word, and every problem.
Having no secrets. INTIMACY into the soul.... also known
as, a relationship. Is this what i have been dreading all
this time?

Homecoming is right around the corner now, as I have
reached my 20lb. weight loss mark! YAY for liz! And today
Dustin asked me to HC! which is all well and good... but it
makes me feel so... blocked in. I swear I am the most
independent person on the face of this earth, and that and
relationships aren't always good together. Especially a
relationship with someone as co-dependent as Dustin. He is
in love with me, and I swear, if it was his choice, we
would be married 5 years from now. He could spend days on
end just sitting staring at me... obsesive... or in
love....? Where's the line drawn? Wonder... More problems arose when
I was talkin to kev last night. He likes me so much and he doesn't
wanna lose me as a friend, or maybe more... but He also has Laci. And
its the same thing for me... cept I have Dustin... Need time to

Last night was the night to beat all nights. Controversy,
mayhem, and many people made it quite the crazy time.
Dustin and Shaw came over early, and as they were comin to
the door, Kyle Tom and Mike walked right up there with
them! it turns out those boys had been up at the coffee
house and got bored. Well, me with 5 guys, although it
seems appealing and fun, I had to have my girls with me!
So i called mattie and cait, and they were over in about an
hour. We all jumped and had fun til it started to pour
outside! We all came in then and partied, and it was pretty
fun, but then Kim showed up at my front door- i was
overjoyed cuz I LOVE KIM!, but she brought a posse along.
They all jsut wanted shaw and dustin :( I didn't want them
to leave, so i jsut invited the new people in. They were
all being really rude and bitchy, and after many arguments
dustin and shaw finally just left with them... It was
pretty quiet after they left because I had to kick Mike Tom
and Kyle out--haha(I'm sick of bein a babysitter and Im not
takin shit from them!) so then mattie and cait and I talked
on the phone to Kev for a bit and retired for the night
while watching Empire. This morning Shaw and Dustin
returned over here... and brought some donuts and GOOOOD
homecoming news with um! Shaw likes Mattie! AND shaw is
friends with broc(cait)... you catchin on yet...? YAH!
Homecoming is gunna rock! Well... Dustin stayed over for a
long while... and yah. That brings me to now. I'm just
tryin to recooperate from my sleepover night.... my sister
supposively NEEDS to get online, so I will be on later to
talk. PEACE