hunger hurts, but starving works

Demented Impulse of the Heart
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2001-08-26 22:33:50 (UTC)

Drawing a collective breath...

I could cry myself to death.

I hate myself for being so God damn anti-social. I
couldn't even eat in front of them. My stomach is
painfully growling one second, and the next, I'm
nauseated. I retired to the loneliest room in the house I
could find. Out of the ones with people in it, anyway.
Then, with an excuse to disappear, I came up here, and now
I don't think I can return downstairs. I'm almost bawling
my eyes out. I can't bear to be around so many people.
And this is only 10...

About two weeks ago, I had to go on a vacation with my
parents. I desperately begged them to let me stay home.
Of course, they refused, and I finally gave in, after much
argumentation from both ends. Then, as we were standing
outside, about to leave, I made some lame excuse that my
pants were see-throughable (yeah, that's a new one.) and
ran back into my room before tears streamed out of my eyes
in floods at a time. There, I cried, for atleast 10
minutes. I realized i had to go back...I didn't want to.
I had to stifle my tears the entire trip. It was horrible.

Now, I find myself like this in EVERY social situation I'm
faced with. It's getting to be too much too handle.

Well, I suppose I should go re-apply my make-up now...


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