of little importance
Ad 2:
2002-12-06 01:26:00 (UTC)

your invisible mirror

you never asked so i never had to tell. which i like. and
i don't. at the same time. hmmm...

i had a disk with all my poetry, well everything except
what i've written recently, on it and i can't find it
anywhere. that's my most valuable disk i own. more
valuable than the ones that have my school stuff on
them...and it's gone.

i'm pissed.

well...not so much pissed as upset. and not just from that
but from all that's going on.

more like...

trying to keep from crying
as you walk into the room
and at the same time
walk out of my life
you come toward me
screaming and threatening
why, i don't understand
but i'll do anything
to make you not hit me
to keep you away from me
and close farther into myself

i'm an invisible mirror
you look at me and see you
in a way you never thought
to look at you before
and even though you see it
you still refuse to
instead you see through it
and through me you ignore me
and what i'm saying
what i'm hiding and also
what i'm attempting to say

hmm...what did you think of that one? will you ask later
on it too? meaning you're not really going to ask because
you'll forget or you're afraid of the answer or you don't
want me to answer or you're tired of everything that's
going on. as my grandma would say, there's the ticket.


i want someone to cry on
to lean on
to have hold me
and as much as i hate to say this
as much as i know it's going to hurt you
as much as i don't want it to hurt you
i have to say it anyways
that someone
is not you
i want something more and it isn't from you
it's not the same and you know it
you felt it
as did i
we both knew the answer to the rhetorical question
that i had to ask anyways
i think i just had to hear it first
to make sure
that i wasn't the only one who felt it
though i already knew i wasn't
maybe i just wanted to know what you would tell me
not that i think you would lie to me
but i know you don't want to hurt me
and you didn't
and you won't
i'm just...

i'm sorry. i'm really not mad at you. and i'm taking all
of my frustrations out on you.

how selfish can i be?

do i even want to know?

not sure...about anything...anymore...just
keep...from crying...

and my efforts...

are futile.

and i know this.

so i'm done.