Digital Hippy

One Thing 'Bout Music When It Hits Y
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2002-12-05 22:41:07 (UTC)

snooooooowww

Raven-
Hey. First snow of the year today. I have a snowball
in my freezer. It messed up a lot, and fixed a lot, so im
not quite sure where i stand in terms of caring about the
weather. Proceeding,
Jason and i go back together as i had previously
mentioned. The next day i went to work, then to get my
hair cut. The woman that cut my hair was approximatly 60
years old named Velva. I was nervous. It progressed, and
then to make a long story short i went home and dyed it
blue and that is where i stand right about now.
I went home, flipped out on my parents about my
current situation, and then i dyed it in a manic panic. I
kinda like it now.
So yeah life goes on... i got removed from my house
for making too big of a deal outof the whole hair thing,
and then i instinctivly went to jasons. He said he would
call me back around 6 but it was 10 and he hadn't called
me. I went up there, and Barry called himand foudn him
and in waiting for him to return, barry informed me that
he was rolling.
I got in my car and left, and he called me upon
arrival. I broke up with him then ane he told me to com
eback so we could talk things out. I returned. I sat
there and told him that i didn't want to be lied to and i
didn't want to deal iwth him not appreciating all the
things that i went thrugh to be with him including his
month of being an asshole and stuff like that. He agreed
that he wouldn't have put up with as much stuff as i have
now and he wouldn't have delt with him if he were me and
stuff. I still coudln't deal with what he was doing. I
told him that if we were going to be together, he was
going to have to show some sort of direction... or just
the fact that he doesn't want to live how he is living for
the res tof his life. Something for me to cling on to. I
told him he was going to have to lay off the drugs and be
honest with me when he doesn't. It pissed me off. I told
him i wasn't putting up with it anymore. He kept saying
that we were going to have to make it work. I didn't
budge. He was rolling. He was just saying it. We
progressed. I agreed to spend the night and i told him
that if the next morning he could make the same promises
he did while rolling, that we would work out, or i would
at least give him another shot. I also made it very clear
that i would not tolerate being treated like shit and that
for what i do for him, he can do more for me. He has
since improved. He needs me. I know that. The ironic
part is that in some weird twisted way, i need him too.
I got a job at old navy. I wanted to go work it
today, i was on the schedule and everything, but there is
a foot of snow on the ground, and i am not a martyr. I
don't need the money that badly. I sat on my ass in the
dorm and watched a movie with erin. From there, we made
little paper trees and stars. I did some coke,then i
smoked some weed.
My overall drug consumption, however, has decreased.
I went over one week completly sober. I got fairly drunk
at automatic, but that was okay. I didn't do anything
since i rolled wtih jason... until i did coke late last
ngiht. Now i have coke and a pill but im saving the pill
and using the coke progressivly. weeehooo.
Thats really about all i have to report. Same old
shit.
~Lauren


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