kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
Convo with Dave part II
Ok, here's the second part of my conversation with Dave.
He did stay up and was around to talk for a while. I
really felt bad keeping him up. Also that my fucking
bastard comment didn't come out right. Oh well. He
should be home in a bit. I'm hoping he'll hop online. I
want to see if he can meet up with me on Saturday so I can
give him a hug.
Sorry it's so long. We talked for quite a while.
d: you there??/?
d: sorry, I didn't hear my phone ring
g: it's ok.
g: I'll survive
d: are you ok?
g: I guess. I'm still depressed, but the stress is gone.
d: do you want to talk about it at all?
g: yea, but I don't want to keep you up.
g: It's late there and you do need to get some sleep
d: true, but if you want to talk, we can
g: ok, but when you need to go to bed let me know.
d: I will
g: Did Cal tell you that I went for a walk?
d: she left me an IM saying " Ok, what's up and why did
gwyn just leave for a walk by herself in tears?????"
g: Ah. I went for a walk in the cold. Forgot a jacket.
Went to the SUB and studied a tiny bit. I couldn't
g: It was good to get out though. I was freaking out so
bad I cried on my walk. The stress was getting to me.
d: it was probably a good thing that you got out for a bit
g: Yes it was. Thank you for making me go. I can be
stupid and stubborn sometimes.
d: I can tell; but it isn't a bad thing.
g: that's good. I just lost it tonight.
g: I don't usually cry over nothing.
d: you don't seem the type to just cry for no reason
g: I have been making a big deal out of things recently.
Like over reacting sometimes.
g: Tonight was just one of those nights I figure. I have
a rough comp for the christmas card and a website due
g: The rough comp is mostly done. I'll just print it out
and call it good in a bit.
d: should I let you go so that you can finish those up and
get some sleep, it would probably do you some good
g: I am not tired. Infact I don't feel like going to
sleep. I feel like I shouldn't go to bed.
d: why, I bet if you went and laid down, closed your eyes,
you would probably pass out in a few minutes
d: once you allowed your body to relax, it would collapse
g: I can't do that though. I have to finish this stuff
up. Then I can hope to get some sleep.
g: maybe it's just an end of the quarter thing. Maybe I'm
just burned out.
d: that is what I said... I'll let you go, so you can
finish it up, and get some well deserved sleep
g: not burned out and tired. burned out mentally. Maybe
I'll pull an all nighter and get ahead of things.
g: I guess I'm not making any sense
d: just finish your work and go to bed, thats an order
g: but I can't do that.
g: At least I feel like I can't
d: I'd bet you $20 that if you finished up your work, and
went and laid down, you'd pass out in a very short period
g: Maybe. I just don't know.
g: I can't describe what's going on in my head.
g: I'm too depressed about life in general to go to bed.
d: what is depressing you? I know about your grandparents,
but what else is bothering you?
g: I'm a stupid fuck up who won't ever get an amazing job
because my work sucks. That is bugging me right now. I
know I've just started the program and will get better.
d: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DO NOT EVER
FUCKING SAY THAT AGAIN OR I WILL COME AND KICK YOUR
d: I don't ever want to hear you every say that again
d: that is not even funny
g: I was being serious.
g: II know it's not funny.
d: why can you even say that?
g: I wish I was never fucking born because I haven't done
shit with my life yet.
d: there is more than what you are saying, I'm sorry,
there is no way that you should ever say something like
this about yourself
g: what do I have that ten million other girls out don't?
g: Maybe I will make something of myself. I just wish I
knew how and when.
d.oakes: a personality, goals, true friends, people who
g: Some how that doesn't seem to be enough tonight.
d: the important things in life
d: what would be then?
d: what would be enough?
d: what would fill this hole that seems to be there?
d: is there something you want?
g: to do something outragous.
d: like what?
d: what would you want to do
g: I don't know....
g: you won't like the only answer coming to mind right now.
d: what is it, I don't care
g: take a long swim in a deep pool. the key being I don't
know how to swim.
d: what would that accomplish?
d: then why?
d: I'm not trying to be a dick, I just am trying to figure
out whats wrong
d: because this isn't normal for someone to rip themselves
down so far
g: I guess I'm just not thinking clearly. I just can't
see the good in my life right now.
g: All I see is the school work piling up on me.
d: ok, what do you have that is due tomorrow?
g: the rough comp of the card and a website.
d: ok, fine, just deal with that tonight, what do you have
that is due friday?
g: nothing. no class on fridays.
d: ok, then what is on monday
g: I don't have anything due till Wednesday and that is 3
g: Then Friday I have the final card due.
d: ok, just focus on what is due tomorrow
g: I'm sorry. I must be driving you nuts.
d: segment it out, and break it down into simpliar
d: no, I am trying to help you relax, and accomplish your
goals at the same time
d: and maybe figure out what the heck is bothering you so
g: I think I'll go for a long drive through the canyon on
friday. might help clear my head.
d: you better not do anything stupid
g: I won't. At least I am not planning to.
d: NO, YOU WILL PROMISE ME
d: I'm not fucking around
d: you mean too much to me
g: I promise not to do anything stupid.
g: you mean a lot to me too.
d: well thank you
g: you are very welcome.
g: what appears to go with that is me telling you about my
fucked up life.
d: well, my life isn't all roses, so I'm not really
worried about it.
g: I don't mean to change the subject, but are things
going well with you?
d: all in all, I would say yes...
g: that is good to hear. at least one of us is doing well.
g: what time is it there?
d: almost 2am
g: SHIT I didn't mean to keep you up so late.
d: I don't care
g: when do you get back?
d: later today
d: I have to bail out of the hotel around 8am so I can
drive the 70 miles into nashville to catch my plane
g: guess I chose an ok day to have a break down.
g: You have to drive? I hope you can get enough sleep.
d: I'll be fine
g: You'd better be. Nothing can happen to you. I need
you around to talk to.
d: alright ;)
d: well,I really need to get some sleep, go put on
reanimation, and get to work, and then be prepared to
cough up $20 the next time I see you
g: you fucking bastard. you won't be seeing money from me.
d: you fucking bastard?
g: sorry just came out.
d: ok, I'm not quite sure how to take that
g: you're not a fucking bastard.
g: you're an amazing, sweet guy.
d: /*goes and hides in corner
g: if I wasn't taken I'd snatch you up.
g: don't hide in the corner.
g: I'm beginning to feel better. I was about to say you
could hide in my bed.
d: ok, I won't... but do try to get some rest tonight
g: I'll try. And if I do I'll give you your $20.
d: hehehe ;)
d: I'll settle for a cup'o'joe at Zoka's
g: I can do that. Just call me up sometime and tell me to
get my butt down there.
d: what was the number you called me from tonight?
g: my cell phone
d: (Y)... well sweetie, I need to get to bed...
d: just remember to break down everything you have, and
take it peice by peice...
g: I'll try that approach.
d: ;) nite
g: thanks again. nite
d: (%) :O:P(6)
d: good, thats what I wanted