kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2002-12-05 21:46:18 (UTC)

Convo with Dave part II

Ok, here's the second part of my conversation with Dave.
He did stay up and was around to talk for a while. I
really felt bad keeping him up. Also that my fucking
bastard comment didn't come out right. Oh well. He
should be home in a bit. I'm hoping he'll hop online. I
want to see if he can meet up with me on Saturday so I can
give him a hug.

Sorry it's so long. We talked for quite a while.

d: you there??/?
g: yes
d: sorry, I didn't hear my phone ring
g: it's ok.
g: I'll survive
d: are you ok?
g: I guess. I'm still depressed, but the stress is gone.
d: do you want to talk about it at all?
g: yea, but I don't want to keep you up.
g: It's late there and you do need to get some sleep
d: true, but if you want to talk, we can
g: ok, but when you need to go to bed let me know.
d: I will
g: Did Cal tell you that I went for a walk?
d: she left me an IM saying " Ok, what's up and why did
gwyn just leave for a walk by herself in tears?????"
g: Ah. I went for a walk in the cold. Forgot a jacket.
Went to the SUB and studied a tiny bit. I couldn't
concentrate though.
g: It was good to get out though. I was freaking out so
bad I cried on my walk. The stress was getting to me.
d: it was probably a good thing that you got out for a bit
g: Yes it was. Thank you for making me go. I can be
stupid and stubborn sometimes.
d: I can tell; but it isn't a bad thing.
g: that's good. I just lost it tonight.
g: I don't usually cry over nothing.
d: you don't seem the type to just cry for no reason
g: I have been making a big deal out of things recently.
Like over reacting sometimes.
g: Tonight was just one of those nights I figure. I have
a rough comp for the christmas card and a website due
g: The rough comp is mostly done. I'll just print it out
and call it good in a bit.
d: should I let you go so that you can finish those up and
get some sleep, it would probably do you some good
g: I am not tired. Infact I don't feel like going to
sleep. I feel like I shouldn't go to bed.
d: why, I bet if you went and laid down, closed your eyes,
you would probably pass out in a few minutes
d: once you allowed your body to relax, it would collapse
g: I can't do that though. I have to finish this stuff
up. Then I can hope to get some sleep.
g: maybe it's just an end of the quarter thing. Maybe I'm
just burned out.
d: that is what I said... I'll let you go, so you can
finish it up, and get some well deserved sleep
g: not burned out and tired. burned out mentally. Maybe
I'll pull an all nighter and get ahead of things.
g: I guess I'm not making any sense
d: just finish your work and go to bed, thats an order
g: but I can't do that.
g: At least I feel like I can't
d: I'd bet you $20 that if you finished up your work, and
went and laid down, you'd pass out in a very short period
of time
g: Maybe. I just don't know.
g: I can't describe what's going on in my head.
d: ok
g: I'm too depressed about life in general to go to bed.
d: what is depressing you? I know about your grandparents,
but what else is bothering you?
g: I'm a stupid fuck up who won't ever get an amazing job
because my work sucks. That is bugging me right now. I
know I've just started the program and will get better.
d: I don't ever want to hear you every say that again
d: that is not even funny
g: I was being serious.
g: II know it's not funny.
d: why can you even say that?
g: I wish I was never fucking born because I haven't done
shit with my life yet.
d: there is more than what you are saying, I'm sorry,
there is no way that you should ever say something like
this about yourself
g: what do I have that ten million other girls out don't?
g: Maybe I will make something of myself. I just wish I
knew how and when.
d.oakes: a personality, goals, true friends, people who
love you
g: Some how that doesn't seem to be enough tonight.
d: the important things in life
d: what would be then?
d: what would be enough?
d: what would fill this hole that seems to be there?
d: is there something you want?
g: to do something outragous.
d: like what?
d: what would you want to do
g: I don't know....
g: you won't like the only answer coming to mind right now.
d: what is it, I don't care
g: take a long swim in a deep pool. the key being I don't
know how to swim.
d: what would that accomplish?
g: nothing.
d: then why?
d: I'm not trying to be a dick, I just am trying to figure
out whats wrong
d: because this isn't normal for someone to rip themselves
down so far
g: I guess I'm just not thinking clearly. I just can't
see the good in my life right now.
g: All I see is the school work piling up on me.
d: ok, what do you have that is due tomorrow?
g: the rough comp of the card and a website.
d: ok, fine, just deal with that tonight, what do you have
that is due friday?
g: nothing. no class on fridays.
d: ok, then what is on monday
g: I don't have anything due till Wednesday and that is 3
g: Then Friday I have the final card due.
d: ok, just focus on what is due tomorrow
g: I'm sorry. I must be driving you nuts.
d: segment it out, and break it down into simpliar
d: tasks
d: no, I am trying to help you relax, and accomplish your
goals at the same time
d: and maybe figure out what the heck is bothering you so
g: I think I'll go for a long drive through the canyon on
friday. might help clear my head.
d: you better not do anything stupid
g: I won't. At least I am not planning to.
d: I'm not fucking around
d: you mean too much to me
g: I promise not to do anything stupid.
g: you mean a lot to me too.
d: well thank you
g: you are very welcome.
g: what appears to go with that is me telling you about my
fucked up life.
d: well, my life isn't all roses, so I'm not really
worried about it.
g: I don't mean to change the subject, but are things
going well with you?
d: all in all, I would say yes...
g: that is good to hear. at least one of us is doing well.
g: what time is it there?
d: almost 2am
g: SHIT I didn't mean to keep you up so late.
d: I don't care
g: when do you get back?
d: later today
d: I have to bail out of the hotel around 8am so I can
drive the 70 miles into nashville to catch my plane
g: guess I chose an ok day to have a break down.
g: You have to drive? I hope you can get enough sleep.
d: I'll be fine
g: You'd better be. Nothing can happen to you. I need
you around to talk to.
d: alright ;)
d: well,I really need to get some sleep, go put on
reanimation, and get to work, and then be prepared to
cough up $20 the next time I see you
g: you fucking bastard. you won't be seeing money from me.
d: you fucking bastard?
g: sorry just came out.
d: ok, I'm not quite sure how to take that
g: you're not a fucking bastard.
g: you're an amazing, sweet guy.
d: ok...
d: /*goes and hides in corner
g: if I wasn't taken I'd snatch you up.
g: don't hide in the corner.
g: I'm beginning to feel better. I was about to say you
could hide in my bed.
d: ok, I won't... but do try to get some rest tonight
g: I'll try. And if I do I'll give you your $20.
d: hehehe ;)
d: I'll settle for a cup'o'joe at Zoka's
g: I can do that. Just call me up sometime and tell me to
get my butt down there.
d: what was the number you called me from tonight?
g: my cell phone
d: (Y)... well sweetie, I need to get to bed...
d: just remember to break down everything you have, and
take it peice by peice...
g: I'll try that approach.
d: ;) nite
d: (S)
g: thanks again. nite
d: (%) :O:P(6)
d: nite
g: nite
d: smiling?
g: yes.
d: good, thats what I wanted