I'm not dead.
Contrary to what some of my devoted readers have been led
to believe, I am not dead. Instead, I blame my lack of
recent entries on a newly acquired sense of laziness. See,
I was watching the movie "Jackie Brown" yesterday, and a
line in it struck a cord in my soul:
Ordell : That shit'll rob you of your ambitions.
Melanie: Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV.
The first line didn't have as much impact on me as the
second did, obviously. The thing is, I had a revelation. I
realized that everything I was doing in my life was because
the authorities thought I should do them. I don't mean to
sound like a hippy, raging against the machine so
vehemently, and I assure you, it's quite accidental. Trying
in school was never my idea, it was my mom's. When tests
are handed back, I observe the other kids sighing in
despair at their marks, yet I have no reaction about mine
other than whether or not my mom will like it. If, somehow,
by some accident in nature, she wouldn't be able to see it,
the mark meant nothing to me. It might have well been
written in ancient Sumerian text for all I cared about it.
Melanie from Jackie Brown represents me. I don't know
whether Tarantino had this in mind when he made the film,
but she symbolizes me and all that I stand for. If I was a
billionairre, I wouldn't buy lots of great stuff and travel
around Europe, I would buy a huge bong and a few garbage
bags of pot, and lock myself in my house for a few weeks. I
think I have a psychological disorder, but it's alright.
As long as my mom doesn't find out.