What are you, some kind of Adrien?
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2001-08-26 05:03:21 (UTC)

First entry

alright, so this is my first entry. just to warn anyone who
reads it, i'll be changing a few names so as not to hurt
anyone's feelings or give anyone weird ideas. and this
isn't going to be an especially great diary/journal. just
an ordinary one by me, rambling on and on about the very
unimportant things happening in my life.

so, with that said, let's coninue on. today i went out with
my mom and she bought me a pair of jeans and a pair of
socks for my birthday. you know, because it's coming up. in
4 days to be exact. aren't i lucky? i'll be 16! i've been
thinking of having a party on wednesday. a small party of
course. and i've been wondering, why are jeans called "a
pair of jeans"? or just pants even. why is it "a pair of
pants"? is it because there's 2 legs? *shrug* i guess that
kind of makes sense.

anyways, back to my party idea. i'd like to do something
for my birthday. because 16 is supposed to be extra
special...or something. *rolls eyes* i really don't see how
it could be *that* great. but if i do have a party i know
who i'll invite. just a few people. but i really want to
invite this one guy. if he shows up it'll make my day, my
week, perhaps even my month. for saftey's sake (not like
he's ever going to read this, but just in case) i'll call
him "Taylor". (remind me that i've named him "Taylor", in
case i rename him later on.) if "Taylor" shows up i'll be
estatic. heh, whenever he's around i can't get this silly
little grin off my face either. i bet he knows i like him.
i just wonder how long it'll be before i ask him out.

on the asking out topic. i'm really shy. you must know
that, if you know me. if you don't and you've somehow
wandered in here, i'm shy. now you know. back to my point.
i might *try* to ask him out once school starts (on sept
5th.) not the exact day school starts, mind you. but
sometime around then. if i wait too long, he might go for
someone else. i wonder if he likes me? you know, naming
him "Taylor" probably didn't do much. if he knows i like
him (which i have no doubt he does) than renaming him will
do nothing. but, not everyone knows i like him (trevor was
mightily confused when me, erin, and kerri were talking
about him) so it'll do some good, i suppose.

and on to school. i don't really want to go back, but i do.
you understand me, or am i confusing/boring you already? i
want to go back to see all my friends that i haven't seen
over the summer, but i don't want to go back and do all the
work. i made a big mistake by taking a lot of hard courses
this year. grade 11 is going to be tough. i'm taking
advanced math. big mistake, since me and math don't mix
well together.

and for starting this diary? well, everyone was doing it,
so i decided i would. ah, i'm such a sheep. actually, i've
been wanting to start one for a while now. i keep journals
for myself, but they don't mean much. and i'd really like
to show some of the entries to someone, but they wouldn't
really understand. most of it is about guys i like, or
something i said that i shouldn't have. i wish i could make
this diary deep or something, but you know me (or you don't
know me but you wish you did), i can't. i can write poetry
that has hidden meanings, but i can't write a deep insight
on my life. ah too bad, eh?

so if you're wondering why this is so long, it's because
it's almost 2:30am and i'm bored and overtired. isn't that
great? no, it's not. i really need to catch up on my sleep.
i really do. i haven't been sleeping much lately. i've been
going to bed late and getting up for 8 so i can babysit.
but now that babysitting's over, i can sleep all i want. so
i guess it's alright to stay up late now. just as long as i
can get back into a regular sleeping schedule once school
starts. i really don't feel like falling asleep in one of
my classes. plus, i talk in my sleep. wouldn't that be
funny? falling asleep in advanced writing or theatre arts
and talking about "Taylor" the entire time?

hmm, i'm going to correct myself on something here. i don't
dream about "Taylor". well, i have, but i'm thinking it was
a one time thing. my dreams are pretty twisted (you'll
probably hear about them pretty soon) and normally they
don't include people i like. and if they do, it's not
often. a lot of times, it's about people i don't know too
well, or people i've known for a really long time, or
people i never even knew existed. the latter has happened
more times than i can count on my hands and toes. great for
me, huh? or maybe not.

me and heather are going to spice up "I'll Tell The World"
and turn it into a play/movie. it was originally supposed
to be a story by me and erin, but erin decided she didn't
want to do it. so then i decided to change it into a play.
i can't do it by myself, so i've enlisted the help of
heather. she loves the idea, and we're going to work on it
sometime soon. i hope it's good, and we finish it quickly,
because i could use it for my enterprise course once school
starts. that would be great. i could direct it. and act in
it. *shrug* or maybe just direct it. i'd wear the funny
hat. what are they called. berets? *shrug* i was never good
at french. (actually, i was. i've forgotten it all, but
that's not the point). and talk with an accent.

i'm really into gay literature/theatre lately. i don't know
why, but it seems so much better than heterosexual
literature/theatre. maybe it's because it's more open, or
more meaningful. hetero things don't really make a real
point about society a lot. it's just "boy meets girl, boy
loves girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl again". in gay
theatre or lit it makes a point about having to stand
strong and not give in to societies wishes. it's a major
point that people need to listen to. (stress "need".
make "need" bold. shout "need" from the rooftops.) i think
it's really hard for them and getting people to accept
them. i accept them, but i know a lot of people don't and
they need to. they have to realize, that just because
someone loves the same sex as them, doesn't mean they're a
bad person. it doesn't mean they're going to hell, or
they're dirty. if people think that way then they can go
run into a wall and then fall down a hole where they can't
get out and they can rot and die there. people like that
don't need to exist in this world. they make it a bad
place. we need more open minded people in the world. people
who are willing to accept things that they may not believe
in. they have to be able to accept it as a fact of life,
that someone is going to believe differently than they are
and it's not altogether that important. they need to be
able to listen with their heart, as corny as that sounds.
but yes, that is what they must do.

and as fun as it is writing this entry, i'm becoming too
serious for my own good and i think i need sleep. i'll
write again tomorrow night, and let you all know how boring
my life has been, and how useless my opinions are.