cryingcountrycowgirl

Lost and Searching
2002-12-05 03:48:58 (UTC)

Is my lies wrong?

I lie b/c i don't want to hurt others by letting them know
that i will not always be around...I lie b/c i don't need
their pity, i need the memories that we have shared to get
me through the tougher times ahead....I lie b/c i don't
want my friends and family member to mourn me before i am
gone...i lie to try and live a normal life, but what is
normalacy, i am not sure, right at the moment my world was
turned up side down and i am not sure if i can find my way
to right itself, i thought that i knew where i headed and
how my life was working out, but now i am not sure
anymore...all i know is the place were my heart should be
is empty, my chest hurts about all the time, and sometimes
i wonder if this will be the end or will i live another day
to see the sun rise.....sleep what is sleep, it's something
that i used to enjoy, love, and have no trouble doing...but
lately when i do sleep i have those dreams again....i am
falling, lost, defeated, unsure, and alone....all those
other emotions i know that i am strong enough to handle
them but the alone part is something that easily kills
me...Is that how i am to spend the rest of my life....in
order for someone to know me is to tell them the truth....i
have had plenty of rejection in my life but for me to
totally open up my heart and allow them inside and for me
to put my trust in them is something i am not sure i can
do.......