Little Darkened Eyes

Story Of My Life
2002-12-05 02:27:23 (UTC)

True Friends

You know, when you think people are truly friends and they
turn out not to be, its a really horrible feeling. I love
my "best friend" kelly with all my heart but sometimes she
just annoy me. Our friendship breaks the laws of all. We're
great one day and poed the next. What is up you say? I
think it was the first time I stayed at her house, I
spilled my guts to her. That was a mistake in itself. But
at the time I was too dumb and young to believe bad of
anyone who was so nice. But she has betrayed my trust but
god help me, I cannot break the ties from myself to
her...its quite irritating. I mean she is a very
emotional person, just like everyone has their moments. I
mean I used to only cry in private well ever since I was
diagnosed with depression and bipolar I've been a lot more
emotional. And the worst part is now that I've let it build
for 16 years, every time I'm upset and Kelly wraps her arms
around me I burst and cry...its just what happens when
people hug me. And they get scared because supposedly I'm
the strong girl out of our group, and if I'm breaking down
or can't do something, not many other people can. And then
we we have our little "get everything out" sessions she
accuses me of lying because when I first came here I had a
real hard time crying, and now I can, because so much hurts
here. Hard as I try to explain this to her she doesn't get
it. And she doesn't truly nor will she ever until it
happens, know how lucky she is to have a mother, father,
and brothers, and sisters and a family. You see I have no
such thing, as I live with my grandmother, and the fact
that we are fighting as of late doesn't help. And I just
got my license, which makes me happy but its a fight
everyday. I have to drive to school, and I'm a nervous new
driver, so it gets difficult. If you have been reading my
diary, you know about Allen. He's the biggest jerk I've
ever seen, and thats the truth not bitterness. he accused
me of breaking his seat which I didn't do so he has no
reason to accuse me. A girl I know Dolores was the one who
broke it, and neither one of us can pay to fix it. Plus I
refuse because I never did a thing. So for now, after
liking him I've decided to rule out guys until one comes
along for just my hormones. I'm just gonna satidfy them,
and not worry about a reltionship? Why should I? I mean
they never work out anyway. So ::Shrugs:: I'm just not
gonna bother. Well I'm in a very talkative mood. I suppose
crushing is better than anything else. You don't ever get
hurt...well you do its just not as bad as getting shot
down. You just have to see them with another THEY like, and
you sit tere wilting away in pain, the same as the other
only the other is faster.




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