Faerie Onyx

Tis The Faerie
Ad 0:
Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here
2002-12-04 23:35:26 (UTC)


How do I show you how I feel when you look at me like
that? How can I tell you it hurts? I can't. I won't.
Love hurts so badly. How can you break me, break my heart
in two, and then smile your brilliant smile and look so
gorgeous? It's not natural. Not even human. You humble
me, and you force me to realize that I'm not the only one
with feelings. How can you decide you don't love me when I
wear your ring on my finger?? Everything you were to me, I
thought I was to you, but it can't change like that. It
doesn't work like that. I pretend not to care. I pretend
it doesn't hurt. And then I bottle it all up inside my
body and I expect it not to come out. I keep pushing it
further and further away from my heart, but with each new
heartache the pain returns tenfold, only to be forced down
once again. Every single time you look into my eyes, my
heart breaks into millions of pieces. Every time you look
at me in passing, and don't stop to say hello, I die a
little bit more inside. My only release is my writing, my
catharsis, my love. It's not fair. I've tried seeing
other people that I think I'm attracted to, but when I
actually start paying attention to them, I realize I'm not
able to see anyone but you. Your attributes shine through
theirs like the sun through the clouds, but as I get close
to them, I realize what it was that attracted me to them in
the first place.
I thought about cutting myself for the first time in...
well the last time was before I started smoking weed. No
it was right after Jeff, the lying bastard. So it was in
March. I remember the feeling of the blade, running across
my skin. And then, the blood, appearing to come out of
nowhere, running down my arms, covering them in red. How
blood looks when I bleed in the warm bathwater, how it
floats to the bottom of the tub. How the cuts look as they
heal, and how it hurts to cut too many times in one spot.
The way the teachers look at my wrist as I raise my hand,
but mostly I remember the feeling of peace I get as I watch
the blood flow.
Then I remembered your face when I showed you the "x" on my
wrists from the pain Jeff caused me. You looked into my
eyes, looking as if you were about to cry. I don't want
you to cry, ever. I love you, and I know that you don't
love me in the same way, so I will leave you alone. I
can't stand being near you. You're so happy without me, it
hurts. But I can't stand being without you. We were
together for so long, and you mean so much to me I miss
holding you in my arms and telling you that I love you, and
I miss kissing you... but that's all in the past.
Eventually I will find someone who will fulfill me like you
once did. Someday, I will be in love with someone who
loves me.

Ad: 0
Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here