2001-08-26 01:10:07 (UTC)

finally, peace

I think i am right when i say that my life was going pretty
damn badly about a week ago. i don't think i had ever
wanted to die so badly. i was leaving for a week to go to
maine in 2 days and i couldn't enven talk to my friends for
a week, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but i have
been away from them for a month now and IM's are the only
way i get to communicate with them. so i leave here
thinking this trip is oging to be hell, little kids running
around, sticking to me like glue, and i am going to be left
without time to myself. well, it started out that way, the
first day was pretty bad. then i went for a walk the next
night aroiund 11 on the beach. the stars were out and i
swear i have never seen so many. all i could hear was the
sound of the waves crashing against the rochs, all i oculd
smell was the salt in the air, and i could even taste it.
the air was wet, but it was still cool, and i know i have
never been anywhere so peaceful. i remembered how beautiful
the ocean was and i finally felt at ease, i was finally
happy. i laid on the sand for god knows how long just
looking at the stars and listening to the waves. i started
walking every evening at sunset and i would watch the sun
go down over the hills, the sky turning bright red and
orange over the horizon, but high up above the horizon the
stars would shine in the royal blue sky like little tiny
fireflies that never stop glowing. sometimes i would lay
there and cry because there was no one to share that beauty
with. and sometimes i would just smile and laugh and think
about when i was little and would come to the beach with my
dad. and finally i was enjoying myself without feeling
guilty for not being home helping my father and mother. and
i wasn't worrying about tomorrow, and i didn't care about
the future. all i could feel was right then, how beautifun
everything was and how it smelled, and sounded and i just
counted the stars because for once in my life i didn't have
anything troubling me, i didn't have anything on my mind.
just the stars...