ergot and the ju ju queen

antipodean delights...
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2001-08-26 00:13:57 (UTC)

Damn him...

Damn him for falling asleep.. :)

Damn him for making me fall in love with him.
But thank god he did .. lol

"How do I love thee.. let me count the ways.." :)

I am going to type as I think.. no editing. No deleting.

I said a naughty swear word after I just hung up the phone.
I have been longing to hear his voice.. ask him
questions.. answer his.. discuss the problems of the
world, the madness of my beliefs.. giggle and giggle and
thrill at the sound of him giggling back. :)

I wagged church.. lol (Gosh, am I putting him before God now??)
All for a couple of hours in his company. And he's fallen asleep...
right where I'd love to be. :) In his bed. With the window open. The
sounds and smells of the evening wafting into his room..
Wow.. for just one night. That would be so beautiful.

Drunk or not.. I adore the things he told me. (Not the
first half of the conversation.. Being sworn at.. for no
reason.. I listened to his advice.. I've agreed and taken
it. It's good advice after all. :)

Can I swear now? Somehow the words I normally use just
don't seem to be strong enough.. deep enough.. meaningful
enough.. to get across how I feel with him, for him.

lol I can't.. I can't write it. :) But I'm saying it aloud.
A swear word.

Because the feelings evoked in me.. which have been building
and growing for a year.. are so bloody strong. I can't
believe it. Wanting. Desiring. Missing like crazy. Lusting.
Adventurously trying CRAZY new things. Loving so
completely. Being shocked and amazed. Being challenged out
of my safe harbour. Being touched. Deep inside. Where it
matters.

I love him. :) Ergot.. Do you hear me? I love him. You.

It's crazy. It doesn't make sense. It makes me ache. It
makes me cry. It makes me laugh. It makes me horny. It
makes me feel this secret thrill.. that I have touched his
heart, and that he thinks about me, talks about me, wants me,
loves me. :) Wow. I totally adore what we have.

Damn, let's just run away.. :) Go to a country we've both
never been. Try everything. At least once. :) Together. Or
at least sharing the experience. lol

And yet.. god have I forgotten where I am? Who I am? What I
am? What a mess.. wanting what I can't have. Lusting
after the forbidden fruit.. ahhh now where have I read
about that before? And where did it get them? Chucked out
of paradise, with the woman having terrible childbirth
pains and the man having to sweat his guts out to survive.
Yeah.. a beautiful outcome to following your desires.. lol

Bollocks... I can just hear him say it. :)

Man, I know i'm going to want to edit this.. delete it..
later on. Before he gets a chance to read it. But I
promised I wouldn't.

Last night.. I came twice. He is so bloody sexy. The
things he does. The things he says. He drives me mad. He
really does. I wonder if he realises, that he's got me
thinking about him.. about sex.. so much. I am so AWARE!!!
Like I've never been before. I mean, I KNOW about guys now.
lol I know how you think. I didn't really before. Not
truly. I have never talked so explicitly with anybody
else.. asked questions.. found out what REALLY goes on. :)
I'm hot. I'm sexy. I'm so happy. :)

Just one thing missing.

A dirty weekend.. (no, let's make it a dirty month) in
paris.. or mexico.. or madagascar.. or where was it?
Mongolia? lol

Enough.. rambling rose has made a come back. lol

Damn him for falling asleep. I was so looking forward to
talking. And he calls *me* a tease??

God I miss him.

Damn him.

JJQ.


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