PunkLemonade

Sometimes I Wonder If I Just Need Profes
2002-12-04 09:21:51 (UTC)

Blah Blah Blah

Just recently one of my friends, who I thought had less
relationship luck than me, is now together with a girl she
has been in love with for awhile. Both of them in the past
year determined that they were bisexual. Plus they have
been best friends for years. Basically, I have a feeling
that they will be together for a long time. Like I told my
friend, she should marry the girl. And I am thinking thats
probably whats going to happen (under whatever marriage
they can get..even if it has to be in Hawaii or Virginia
somewhere).
Every direction I look, someone is in love. Except for me.
I have not gotten a piece of ass, well ever, and at this
rate may not ever. Mostly because I present myself as a
prude bitch, but thats another story completely.
Anyway, I am in this depression mode, where I never think I
will meet anyone that will make me happy.
But then I see a guy (notice I did not say meet, Im only
talking about visuals). I get to know him and determine I
dont like him. But what is most peculiar is that I always
end up going back to wondering about the same boy. I even
have compared other boys to him.
Now I havent seen this guy in about six years. So I have no
idea what he looks like, what he is doing, or even how he
acts now. But I always have this feeling that I want him
back in my life again, in anyway possible.
Now I dont know what love is, and I think this may be the
closest I have ever felt to love. But then again that can
just be my relationship wanting eyes decieving me once
again.
However, I do extremely want to see him. I have not gone a
year without thinking about him. He was my best friend when
I was a kid and I always felt as though I could open up to
him.

Yet, there still is always the idea that he has completely
forgotten about me. It was my fault for losing contact (as
in every relationship of mine). Plus, he may have not cared
about me the same way. Even more likely is that he has a
new girl who has taken my place. Maybe he is even married.
Who knows.
But it still remains that he is in my thoughts and he will
always be in my memories. I have not seen him in six years,
yet I still think of him, and I am sure I can go on this
way for many years to come.
Chris will always remain in my heart, yet how strong
remains an unknown.




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