Green Leef Turning Gold
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2001-08-25 17:48:13 (UTC)

another new day, another new entry

Well I guess I have neglected this diary a bit. But its
hard to remember to do things when everythig is so crappy
sometimes. Not that I have a whole lot of room to complain
but boyfriend is still sleeping and that pisses me off. I
wouldn't mind sleeping in just once this week. Seeing as
how I am up with the baby everyday at 7:30. He gets three
days off a week and does whatever the hell he wants. Last
night he came to bed well past 4am. I know because his
noisey a$$ woke me up as he was getting in to bed.

He actually gave me money yesterday, couse then he had me
go buy him a cup of Starbucks....I can't believe he drinks
that stuff everyday. Its so expensive. Thats like a $10 a
day coffee habit coupled with the fact that he spends
almost $70 a month on cigarettes. And I am lucky to see a
dime. I wouldn't be so pissy about the money if he wasn't
so tight wad about it. I mean when I was working he had no
touble when I gave him a 20 here or 100 there. And I just
gave it to him, and I didn't care about it because he was
staying home with the baby, what if he wanted or needed
something is what I thought. I wonder why that doesn't
apply to me now that I am the one staying home. He makes
literally 10 times what I made. We have more money now than
we have ever had. We actually pay our rent and our bills on
time! And he is being all weird about money. I don't
understand it.

You have to understand that I have never given him reason
NOT to trust me with our money. When I spend money its
usually on him or the baby anyway. Well he once spent $2000
in less than a week at some gentleman's club cos he was uh
how did he put it? "stressed out" well next time I get
really stressed I wonder if he would mind if I spent $2000
ya know on myself. THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL! Course I
couldn't do that, nor would I, it just makes me mad the way
he's been with the money lately. Especially cos I did
something I KNOW I had no business doing. I went into his
wallet the other morning. He'd left it in the car. I know
he keeps receipts in there....he's been back to that club.
When he started working again he and I agreed it would be a
bad idea if he started going there again. :( I feel fucking
betrayed, but what am I supposed to say? Gee while I was
snooping in your wallet I saw your lil receipt.

He would just say, hey why were you snooping? I know why I
was, cos I wanna know why he's so f*cking uptight with the
money. He's being uptight because he doesn't want me to
know where he's spending it THATS WHY. I don't really care
if he buys starbucks everyday and that he's spent more
money on his computer than any of the gifts combined that
he's given me in three years (which btw last year I got
nothing. This year for valentines day when he actually had
money to spend nada. and for my birthday nada...mother's
day I got a plant, but it was only after I was pissed he
did nothing for my birthday)I always give him stuff except
this last birthday because I would have been f*cking mental
to give him a gift after he couldn't even send me a card or
barely say happy birthday to me. And today I am like. What
do you want to do today? He's like I dunno, and I am like
you wanna go to Target? and hes bugging...what do you need
from target? Cos he doesn't want to f*cking drive me there,
and I KNOW he won't give me the money even if I offered to
drive myself. Oh well. I am done the b*tch fest for now.