sstarxedpimp

One day life Wont Suck
2002-12-03 01:41:16 (UTC)

please not yet...

And there's a memory of a window,
Looking through I see you.
Searching for something,
I could never give you,
And there's someone who understands you more than I do.
A sadness I can't erase.
All alone on your face.

right now i wanna shoot myself cuz i deleted like a
billions things i just typed..im a little confused
today..confused why everything that is happening is
happening...hate this man i just wanna end it and see what
would happen if i wasnt here and who would care by no
means is that a prelude to suicide just i mean some days
all of us dont want to be here right? i know i do..i used
to take these pills that made me happy cuz i was always
tryin to kills myself and when i started gettin happy off
the dam pills i thought bout how im a punk for taking
these pills and how i dont need help in life...so i
thought of stuff that made me happy wish i could do that
now, wait no i dont depresses me more. funny how those
lyrics above have been my favorite song for like 8 yrs and
it never applied to me and now it hits home worse then
nething i cant even listen to the dam band well some songs
are ok just not that one..i wish this was still the summer
and i had my friends who helped me get through
this,heather,randy,steph,dee,brina all those people and
prolly more i forgot...i try and stay happy and rmemeber
those good times this summer but then i remember what i
was thinking during those good times and i dont want to
think about it..funny how i love punk now and i hated it
b4 cuz i thought it was for losers who had nobody...look
where i am now..sucks..i gave up alot of friends and i
hope when i go back to them they understand funny how i
know im tryin to write to get shit off my chest but i
gotta remember that people are reading this lol kinda
weird in a way i was always told i didnt have enough
passion..just passion in general...well if i dont hav
enough i hope i never do cuz this is rough..hatin this
right now...my new bed was nice to sleep in..cant wait
till class i need to get out of my house, went to the mall
with dee today and it was different..too many memoires
just in general i wonder what im thinking..wonder what
they are thinking..wow shelly its really lonely here wish
i could tell u that..i hate holidays just makes me feel
even more alone..i always hated my family..u know what i
hear alot..that i can do this cuz ive been through worse
and dam right i have i guess it wouldnt be so bad if i
wanted to let go and im now doing that and it seems to
wrok..shelly is always telling me about these feelings she
has...u know what in what 5 yrs through all the fights ive
known her the longest and she is still there im gonna go
with her..im more pissed that i was played and used and
shown hope..i guess i was guliable..i read some people on
this sight and i hope i dont sound as depressed as them
cuz i figure im doing fine and its been worse..why is life
so hard..silence is the worst thing right now...my biggest
fear is to die alone always has been always will be..
finch time u know what ill take physical pain of
emotional neday...easier to deal with..got football
tomorrow should be better...what is left for me? dam man
never again will my life revolve around a chix...im doing
shit for me now...im just trying not to fall into that
black little hole that is so hard to come out
of...everyone says it gets better but when? i was in the
car with dee and pink was on...isnt she the hottest chix
in the free world? i think so...remember her concert with
heather and the "girl" had to chnage it lol...not
really..well im feeling better if i deside to write
again...wonder if people read this.shelly u better be
right.LaTer





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