Blue Rosar

Song in Blue
2002-12-02 18:18:09 (UTC)

A New Start

So things have been pretty chill this past week. We had
Thanksgiving break, I stayed on campus even though I wasn't
supposed to. Caiti had permission so she had the special
key you need and we kinda shared it. We both went down to
my grnadparents for Thanksgiving Dinner. The plan was to
get there, eat, then leave. Such was not the case because
it was also my grandparents 50th Anniversary, so we had to
stay for a reception to which the entirety of Oaktown
came. It was about 5:00 when we finally got outta there,
we had planned to be gone by 2:00.

I finally decided to attempt to take up Caiti on her offer
to move to California with her. We all know how much I
loathe Indiana and am pretty desperate to get away from
here. She's going back at the beginning of the summer and
I'll stay here until August. Her sister is already looking
for apartments for us in Chico, CSU Chico is were we'll be
transfering to. It's a real college town, not a college in
a town like FC here. We still have to see how the whole
tranfering and financial aid thing goes before this is a
sure thing. But yeah, out of Indiana and back to somewhere
where I belong and fit in, who could pass that up?

I went out to Talbot Street with Bruce on Friday night. We
had a good time until I was talking to this guy for a lil'
bit. Bruce got all jealous and I had to charm him into a
better mood. That's when I decided to tell him about the
move. We were driving home when I dropped the bomb.
Suffice it to say, the rest of the ahlf an hour trip was
made in silence. Then when we got back home there was just
some innane small talk for a few minutes before he got in
his car and headed home. He'll definitely be the one I
miss most. He doesn't understand how much he means to me.
He wants to be with me and doesn't quite understand how
much it would mean to me to be with him, but how much I
stand to lose when it doesn't work out (cause they never
work out). I can't risk that, I won't risk it.

Alot of other things have been playing on my mind recently
as well. The most superficial of which being how long it's
been since I've gotten laid and it's really starting to
bother me. But, I'm not all about the annonymous hook ups
or anything, so I guess I'll find a way to endure. Another
thing that keeps creeping into my mind is Joe. He was in
the hospital under what sounds to me like a suicide watch
for cutting his wrists. That's not good in any way, shape,
or form. I feel so bad for him, that I wasn't able to help
like a friend should be able to. Quite honestly I feel
like I've made the problem alot worse. Sometimes I wonder
if don't have that negative effect on most of the people I
meet. I wonder if I should just stop being around people
altogether. At least that way I can't inadvertantly hurt
more people. I don't know.

I was kinda shitty to learn that Brian lied to me when I
asked him about Joe and he said he was doing alright. This
was after Joe had been in the hospital. A hospital visit
does not constitute an alright statues. I don't know
whether he maybe thought it was best that I didn't know
about it, or that it wasn't any of my business anymore, or
what. I still consdier Joe my friend and an important
person, whether or not he feels the same way. One more
person on the list of people I've managed to serious damage
or add to some existing damage. Yay me...not really.

Time to go and see if I can still register for spring
classes, damn my procrastination.




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