2002-12-02 04:59:20 (UTC)

cold weather and babies.

Its cold... I like it but its reminescient of shitty
times....and good times that are gone forever.

I just saw Valerie, matt's exgirlfriend. she was in the
bookstore with a baby. that was weird. all sluts, like i
always said.

mom and i are fighting. whats new. not even fighting,
shes just bitching at me and im like whatever. im not up
for it at all right now..

he'll be out of work soon and hopefully over. if not ill
be going to sleep again. i slept until 6:30 today. pm.
not something i ever do. but i dont really feel guilty.
we were up until after 4 last night, and today i didnt
have anything important to do and i've worked for the last
like 12 days straight long shifts. my check will be nice
though, which is good since she wants me to start paying
for my car. which is okay, its a lot but at least it will
be in my name. one less thing to hold against me, control

i just want to be with him all the time. i have to hold
out for a couple years, to get away from all the bullshit
memories and people around here.. and get over all of it
too.. shit i've already been through three and a half years
of madness, a couple more is possible... and i feel like
if i can make it that far, if we both can then it'll be
easier from then on...

last night i freaked out, suddenly i was just so full of
this feeling that i love him more than i should and if he
goes away again i dont know what ill do because nothing
else makes me happy.