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2002-12-02 04:01:11 (UTC)


Today was one of those days when you are forced to go to
one of your relatives parties and while your there, you
bore yourself to near death and stuff yourself with
whatever crap they serve. Today wasn't really at all one of
those days. I really thought today was a blessing. It was
my god-daughters birthday and it was also the day of my
track meet. I seriously am a coward. I didn't really want
to go cause I'm so fucking afraid of being in last place. I
don't want to give up, its just i don't want to be stuck
always losing. I want to come back when i get better, but
dammit, i can't do that. DAMM MY FUCKING PRIDE. Damm my
fucking body. Shit, if i was taller my stride would be
larger and I wouldn't have to try and work 10 times hard. I
do like challenges, sometimes, but ones i know i can
complete. I'm a person lacking of self esteem and
motivation so when i the going gets tuff, i get going. I
HATE MYSELF why must i quit so much?
But I know I can change. I knew it he moment i accepted my
life. I knew while on the car going home. I even pictured
it. Me runnning my heart out coming into last place. But It
was alright, cause I kept runnning. And the more i ran, the
more i got closer to that winning spot. And i saw myself.
So determined and serious about what i wanted. It was
invigorating. I need to change. Cause I have ambition. I
want to change the world for the better for the people. I
want to bring peace to nations and peace to society. I will
be the one to unite humans for a cause to better
themselves. Someday, i will, i must. But I can't being me.
I can't being this person who quits the moment everything
gets hard, being this person who cries and moans when he
gets in a quagmire. I must being better and stronger, cause
i will help these people, i will do it for the kids...

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