Kat Eyes
2002-12-01 21:36:24 (UTC)

november 25, 2002

this week has been pretty crazy. especially the weekend
(my time off) practices got better day by day. all the
girls are being nice to me. i think it's b/c i was on thin
ice with being on the team, and they weren't happy b/c the
coach was giving me a chance. and i think i've really
improved, and now they respect me. b/c ashley and i are
pretty good friends, and this other girl...her name's
shani, she said hi to me and we were talkin and she was
defending me and she said i was her friend. i guarded her
during one of our practices, and she guarded me. it was
actually kind of funny. all the sudden it feels like i've
known these girls for years, which is nice. so practices
got better everyday. on friday, due to the football game,
coach only decided on 1 hour of practice, rather than the
usual 2. and it was individual conditioning, or something
like that. basically meaning we all have to come in, but
we're working in individual problems, like free-throws or
lay ups, etc. coach blacksheer was helpng me with my free
throws. hes a pretty cool guy. coach maesha is cool too,
but shes got a naturally loud voice/tone, which makes her
come off harsh. but if you're talking to her one on one
shes really cool. we were supposed to have our first game
(which is actually a scrimmage) today, against rosemede,
but something came up, and it got rescheduled to tomorrow.
but the advantage is it's a home game. i was kinda pissed,
b/c i really wanted to play. but i guess it'll be ok. i
like it better that it's a home game. tomorrow is also our
last day of school, for thanksgiving break. i'm not even
looking forward to thanksgiving. i don't think i ever do.
i look forward to christmas. b/c dad makes 1 mean ham,
candied yams, and mashed potatoes w/ ham gravy.
mmmmmmmmmmmm and doing presents is always fun. but i
don't think i ever liked thanksgiving. maybe b/c it's
meant for "family time", and theres always drama with my
family and the holidays. especially now, that hazel's
here. she's apparently being really mean to grandma and
grandpa, and they invited her over for thanksgiving, but i
guess she doesn't wanna come over. and it'd just be dad,
grandma, grandpa, and i. i would much rather spend
thanksgiving at nick's house. i talked to him alot today.
i've been taking dad's cell phone, and walking into town.
and on the way down i'll sit on a curb or something and
talk to nick. (i have to walk into town b/c i can't get a
signal up here, and i have to sit b/c if i walk it's all
static-y) i get such a rush talking to him. he's always so
supportive, and he knows exactly what to say. sometimes he
gets on me, but thats very rare. he got suspended again
he said something to someone..i forget what he said. and
the first time, he was throwing paper good lord when i
asked him what he did now, he started laughing. even
though it's not a good thing and i practically screamed at
him in the middle of the street, it was funny. he gets
suspended for the dumbest things, i swear. he told me that
he'd buy me a plane ticket for christmas i think i
fainted or smething. it was so unexpected. he said he's
got the money to do it, and jesse backed him up on it.
apparently nick's got a bank account he never told me
about. i don't care about his money...i'm not like that. i
just wanna know how he got it i don't want him selling
crack on friday road so that i can visit for
christmas...you know what i mean? i really want to see him
for christmas, that would make my year. but a round trip
ticket around christmas time is easily over 1000 dollars.
he asked me what i'd do if tickets came in the mail for
me, and i said i'd use them but i'd kill him when i got
there. he laughed, and said he'd enjoy every minute of it.
i made the mistake of telling dad nick offered to buy me a
ticket. it wasn't so much a mistake, i just didn't like
his reaction. he snorted or something to that extent and
he's like "yea, i bet he would" or something like that. he
probably think's we've had sex a billion times. theres so
muchpeople don't know about nick. he's seriously so
misunderstood. everyone thinks i'm the good one, and hes
the bad one. and it's totally not like that. i dont think
nick is cheating on me. no one knows nick like i do, and
if nick didn't like/love me anymore and he was sleeping
with someone else, he'd tell me. he'd be like "you know,
this isn't working out..blah blah blah" i know he would.
and no one believes me. and people probably think that i'm
just a teenager w/ puppy love. but you know, all those
people can kiss my ass they don't know anything about
either of us. i talk to nick's grandma, and i know she
wouldn't feed me a bunch of hullshit. and i know nick
would be faithful to me. i ahve a lot of people watching
him for me, and he doesn't know it. well, brandi, jesse,
and danielle (some what) and his grandma tells me alot.
but i mostly don't understand grandma and dad's attitudes.
grandma needs to stop telling me what to do with my love
life. it's mine, nothers. and just b/c dad's relationships
don't work doesn't mean he has to disapprove of mine. nick
and i have something special. we are so much alike, even
though we're 2 completely different people. we have
somehting that can't be replaced, and no one understands
that. jesse's kind of annoying me about certain stuff too.
nick had an e-mail address ([email protected]) and so
when i signed up w/ skateboard.com, i took the address
[email protected] well jesse signed up for
[email protected] it's like damn jesse...that was
something w/ nick and i. jesse's really a great guy, and i
guess he loves me, but theres nothing that'll change my
feeling for him. i like him as a brother, b/c we're close
and he knows a lot of stuff about me. but i will never
reciprocate his feelings. and i know that sounds harsh,
but i'm putting it on the table.
ok, i'm changing the subject. not much has been going on
with jordan and i. big mouth jesse told nickthat i had a
boyfriend (which isn't true) and nick asked me about it.
and jordan and i do not go out JESUS CHRIST renee
started spreading rumors that we go out, and we don't i
don't even know whereshe got that idea from. she told
brandon nunn and he asked me about it today. and i was
hellapissed. renee and rose marie told me about some stuff
that happened when jordan and renee went out, and they
just randomly told me this information. and i know that
renee and jordan used to go out, but they don't anymore
and whatever happens between jordan and i is none of
renee'sdamn buisnessit pisses me off how rumors can get
started with the smallest ammount of information. i never
speak to renee. we're not friends. i have spoken to her in
the past, but yea...thats it. she said she saw us talking
in the hallway one day, and she was at the gay PJ jam on
saturday, but she has nothing else to go off of. i never
told her i liked him, or that we ever did stuff together.
i went to the stupid dance on saturday, and jordan was
there (hes on student council, so he had to go) and there
were 2 slow songs. the first song, i didnt think about
finding him, b/c he was w/ his friends. but the second
song i went to find him. and i saw him, and i tapped him
on the shoulder, but this chick ran out of no where and
jumped on him and started slow dancing with him. omg...the
craziest thing just happened. dad and i were talking about
stuff a little while ago, and grandma was listening i
guess. and she just came into ask me about it. god ,
sometimes she pisses me off so much. i told her about
nick, and she asked why if he's supposidly cheated on me,
and has all this money that he hasn't told me about, then
why won't i let go of him. and i just sat there
thinking "shes right" but i can't answer this question.
it's my instinct that we're meant to be together. and i
told her that nick was willing to pay my way, and she's
all like "well if your father let you go to florida to
shack up with some guy whose younger than you i'd feel
strong enough to take him to court for it" JESUS CHRIST
MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUISNESS omg it baffles me sometimes
how she manages to make my buisness her buisness. and i
made the mistake of telling her something that dad told me
last night, and she told judy and judy said something to
dad. OMG telling grandma is basically telling the whole
damn world. she read my diary when i moved to florida,
she's pulled the replaying crap, and now shes butting into
my buisness so badly, i don't get it. i am SO pissed. i'm
going to go take a shower. i'll try and write tomorrow