humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-12-01 18:47:49 (UTC)

yeah right

so yeah- last night at the bon fire pat wa all drunk and he
like wouldnt take no for an answer. i like seriously kept
rippin his hands out of my pants cuz he just wouldnt stop
and i told him that i was loosing respect for him beuz he
wouldnt stop and i mean he was really drunk he like couldnt
even stand up but i dont ever accept that as an excuse.
and i jsut dont think i like him anymore. like last night
just made me look at him totally differently. and i
realized that this like thanksgiving break- every night i
have had a dream about a guy liking me and me being with a
guy becuz i want one so bad- like one night it was jason,
one night it was kyle arnold and one night it was corbet
and i dont know hwy corbet but i have been thinking about
him alot lately but whatever that doesnt matter but yeah i
want a bf so bad and i dunno what im gonna do about it,
like i wonder if i should go for kyle OY i dunno its so
confusing but whatever. oh and my birthday is coming up in
like a lil over a week- and this is a test- i want to see
if jason calls me on my birthday like i called him on his.
i mean i can almost gaurentee he wont but if he does and
if my bro gets me a piece and if meg and nik get me a bag i
think i might ask him if he wants to smoke, ya know just
chill once, and i will look gorgeous and be like the nicest
person in the world and he'll be like wow and then i'm not
gonna call him or anything and i'm just gonna see if i made
an impression on him or not and if he calls, then i did,
and if he doesnt then well i rpolly still did he just didnt
call ha but yeahi just am gonna makehim think that ever
since he dropped me i have changed into this like wonderful
person and since im not calling him he'll think oh well i
dont mean anythin to her- its all a game of hard to getand
if it worx then it worx and if not oh well- i dont know why
i am trying to get him back but all i know is that i was
happy when i was with him, nothing else in the whole world
mattered cept for us. and who knows maybe we've both
changed since last time and maybe we would wokr better now,
prolly not but thats ok- iknow its all wishful thinking but
whatev cuz iknow to that it isnt gonna happen so yeah- but
im gonna go now so ttyl ~julz