gillian

AfterTheLaughter
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2002-11-30 06:18:06 (UTC)

comedy central and mint gum

he asked me if i wanted to go to his house tonight.
it was like a dream kinda.
we had sex....and it was so casual...and now that's it's
been some hours since then, he's been thinking about it. he
wondered if it was such a good idea since we don't know
each other well enough he said. this is what was said on
msn:
him- "i mean it was fun and all :-D but we dont even know
eachother too great. lol we could just set it aside as a
lil fun thing for now, and maby later pick it back up"
me- "wow you're so not like all the guys i know....awesome.
they'd all be like "so come over again. i wanna do it
again" and not freakin care. that sounds cool."
him- "lol. i was afraid youd be like hurt or something."
^how sweet i think.....right?
me- " :) i like you ya know, as if it wasn't pretty
obvious. but like, i'm so used to it. it's fine. and it's a
good decision cause that was really fast and sudden and
blah blah blah." (i don't think i really meant that...i
tend to take things quickly)
him- "lol ya. well since i lost it, im glad i lost it to
somebody whos as fun as yourself."

so he's the kind of guy who is into commitment i guess...he
really isn't like most other guys...at least most other
guys i know. i'm kinda really sad cause i think i really
like him....but then again it shows he cares about our
relationship...right? i don't know what i want anymore....i
feel like i want him...but i've already gone as far as i
could imagine with him...so it's like i'm done with
him...but i can't let him go. i know i'm still going to
hang out with him...i have to. my ability to like just one
person sucks so bad...i could be married or something....or
totally incredably in love, but i'm gunna like another
person at least...it's how i am....but it doesn't mean i'd
pick a favourite.....i'm just really confused right now i
guess...i'm such a desperate little person....i don't knwo
whqat i want or who i want. even though things between me
and him are so casual, it feels like more kinda....but he's
got so many chicks that like him. it's like we're too
casual to ever really have a strong relationship between
us. shit i dunno....;dksjnf;jkgn;rv


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