Kyden Conformity

self destruction introduction
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2001-08-23 07:06:58 (UTC)

one to my three.

This is my last night at home. I go back to my flat in the
city tomorrow, despite the fact I'm still secretly sick. I
went to the doctor but she had no idea what's wrong with
me. I want to go back to the city so I'm tryin' to act as
if all is ok.

Before I came home I stayed at the beach with my
girlfriend, Steph and her four year old daughter. We went
to a party, all Stephs friends and none of mine - I watched
her socalise and felt sick with happiness when she smiled
at me. I'm not usually like this. I'm a heartbreaker not
one of the love sick.

We woke up in the morning and sat, the three of us, in bed
feeding eachother gingernuts and vegan chocolate.

Steph went swimming. despite the cold and occassional
passersby, she stripped off her clothes and walked
confidently into the sea. I sat on the rocks and watched
her in awe. When she walked out of the ocean it would've
been easy to mistake her for a Greek goddess.
I left her and her daughter on the beach and hitched a ride
back home to see my parents. She went back to the city the
day after.
She said she'd miss me but she's only sent me one email (to
my three) I miss her so much but I feel as if my heart is
about to be ripped in two.