2002-11-27 04:57:45 (UTC)

and all you wanted was somebody to care...

im really tired... i dont write here much... its kinda lost
its meaning for the most part...

so wow. sunday is december.
what a fucking complete turnover of abolutely everything in
a year... anything and everything that could have possibly
changed, has.

and the whole fucking thing pretty much sums me up

i have gotten everything i said i wanted.
and im thinking about the past.

i have some kind of problem, where all i can think of is
what i had.

anyway, if i dont think about that, im good... i love my
job, its the first job ive ever had where i can completely
relax and be myself, and ive been working late for
overtime, the first job i havent been out the door at 559
if i get off at 6. i like it a lot. too bad caroline
fucked it up for matt, or it would be even better.
but thats okay... we have all 3 of our classes together
next semester, so that'll be enough.

anyway yeah i havent talked to her. i kinda snapped a week
or two ago, all her constant "whats your attitude" "why do
you ignore me" shit. WHY Let me count the ways. because
thats ME. because thats the easiest fucking way to not
feel like shit that she'd rather be with that disgusting
fat ass slut bag bitch. its the easiest way to FORGET the
fact that she never gave a shit about ME..... she just
wanted SOMEONE to care about, SOMEONE to take care of,
SOMEONE to AGH fucking. And then she wants to ask me why.
And blame me. it makes me so fucking angry. all the times
we fought because she was talking to diana or going BOWLING
with diana or with diana on NEW YEARS FUCKING EVE. and
now, when its turned around - that would never fucking
happen. she can't even make a second to see me. i will
never sit at denny's with her again. and i'm supposded to
just be like. oh okay caroline. and bullshit "hey whats
up" and shit just because we work in the same fucking
building and pretend like i dont care just becaues she
does. FUCK that.

yes now i remember why i dont write in here anymore.
because i'd rather keep this shit in the back of my head
where it doesnt interfere with my REAL life.