The Muffin Man

My Favorite Courdaroys
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2002-11-27 03:51:52 (UTC)

Changes

Im not the same person I was a year ago. I look back and
wonder who I was. It seems so cloudly. I used to enjoy
christmas. Now Im actually loathing it. I mean I know I
shouldnt but this whole time Ive become diffrent. I dont
like things that remind of trika. I dont know what happened
but she changed and I can say it definatley was not for the
better in my opinion. She used to be the sweetest girl in
the world but now shes just so diffrent. I really dont
mind not talking to her anymore. In fact I thinks its
probably better that way. Dont have to deal with all her
shit anymore. She always wanted me to listen to her
problems but she could never listen to my problems. I mean
I can understand she wanted to tell me about them but half
the time she was all pissy and shit and wouldnt tell me
anything. I wasted so much time on a stupid girl. I could
have done so much more my high school year. I could have
done so much better. But I stayed all ungodly hours of the
night just to try my hardest to make her happy. In the end
I was completly drained. But when I was with I was happy.
I couldnt fake the emotions and the things I did with her.
I was truly happy for once but she was fucking with my
head. Staying with me because she thought i needed her.
Well I did need her. But not if she was just playing me
for my emotions. Im sorry but that wasnt fair to me. And
Ive got a shit load of animosty towards will. Going and
hanging out with her the whole day messing around with her
not even a week after she dumped me. That was just low and
I wanted to kill him. I hated him so much for that. All
the why are you so pissed off what the hell is wrong with
yous. I wanted to hurt you so bad. I wanted to hit you
where it hurt the most. It was so low of you. When I
needed you the most you were fucking around with trika.
Making it sound like you two were banging eachother. Fuck
you both. I wish both knew how much you hurt me. How deep
the scars are. How the wounds havent healed. I hope you
can live with yourselfs knowing how bad the two of you
fucked me up with trikas whole visit this summer. You two
really cut me deep. I know neither of you will read this
but still I have so much hatred towards both of you that
you will never know exist. I dont wanna just be friends
trika. I wanna find away to hurt you like you hurt me.
Like you hurt everyone around you. Grow up. Learn to deal
with your own problems. Dont worry about anybody but your
fucking self. Stop immersing yourself in everyone elses
problems deal with yours. Dont play physcatrist anymore.
Deal with your life. Dont have people make your
decisions. Make them yourself. At least then when you
fuck up you have no one to blame but yourself. You wont be
able to pin it on so and so because they told you it was
the right thing. Your just so damn needy. Live YOUR OWN
LIFE. People can deal with their own shit. Just like you
left me to do when you went straight to fred. Im gonna
quote someone who I loathe almost as much you "Thanks a lot
asshole" yes i just quoted eminem. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
Well sorry ive wasted enough my breath on you so goodbye
so long.

"And the hope that I never see your face again is anything
but questionable, i hope this is goodbye." Alkaline trio

-Matt-


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