Thoughts of a Hidden Heart
2001-08-22 05:36:56 (UTC)

My First Diary

Well, I've never had a diary before but I need one at this
point in my life.. It's all building up inside.. I'm not
sure where to let it out at.. even if I can..

I don't understand it.. I went to my High school reunion
this weekend.. I had a really good time but it sure got me
thinking.. I'm 28 now.. I've never been one to hold long
relationships but I really want one now.. Everyone at the
reunion was married some with multiple kids.. So lately
I've been searching.. Everyone says "Don't Search"..
that's when you find her.. but How can I not?? Explain
how to stop your Lonely heart.. it's impossible for mine..

I keep telling myself just to get back into my work.. I
can't do it.. I mean I love my work.. I'm extremely good at
what I do.. I was thinking of taking all the emotional
energy I have and channeling it into a major work like a
book or developing my own programming language.. I wrote a
compiler back in college and I have some ideas on how to
make a "SMART" language but it would take too much of my
time and I think it'll be just another project I start and
never finish..

My brother is coming into town tomorrow with his wife.. I
had plans to do so much this week but now he's showing up..
I love him but it's just bad timing.. He called me tonight
and said "I'm coming into town tomorrow through the
weekend". Laurie's coming with him. At least she was nice
to me the last time.. I dn't think she looks at me as the
partier that gets him into trouble anymore..

I was gonna call Becky also.. I really wish she would give
me a chance.. I don't understand it really.. I mean I'm
exactly what she wants in a guy.. she told me so.. I'm
tall.. handsome.. funny.. I have money.. and we have an
extremely good time when we go out.. we are always kissing
and stuff when we are out but she won't get close to me.. I
know it's our past.. We should never have dated our
friends.. it's weird when a group of friends almost feels
like a family.. can't date your cousins.. it's just not
right.. Right??

Wow.. I really like this Diary thing.. I wonder if people
read these public diaries.. I bet they don't.. it would be
too boring.. I was able to get a lot off my mind..

Well I better get to bed.. I have so much work to do
tomorrow.. and I hopefully can get new glasses taken back..
I can't believe I have to wear reading glasses at 28.. I'm
getting old.. Old and Alone.. now that's something I didn't
dream of when I was planning my life at 18..

Until the answers appear...