2002-11-26 06:04:25 (UTC)

and a final good goodbye.

so i saw christina tonight.
and it was good. it was. good.

i know that emily didnt want me to see her.
and for that.
i didnt want to see her.
i realize now.
that it was something.
i needed to do.
for good or bad.
i needed to know.

i do care about her.

i hate doing things that emily doesnt approve of, or
condone, or agree with.
but i know.
besides the initial you-did-something-i-didnt-want-you-to
that she has to understand.
the same way, i understand why she didnt want me to.
and i know that she does.
or at least.
i hope so.

i dont want her back in my life.
i really. dont.

i really dont want anyone from back in the day
back in my life again

im not saying that people dont change and that you know i
dont still love them and care a lot about them.

i do.

its just.

im moving on with my life.
with a lot.

and i dont want there to be anything holding me back.

and that may sound bitchy.

im sure that it does.

but its just.

ive let go of so much.
and its such a difficult thing for me to do.

and i dont need people dragging me back into the whole
orlando scene.

i do love her though.

she was my bestfriend for so long.

there is always something to be said for the one straight
girl i was really close to and never fucked. you know. lol.

i hold her in some esteem for that.

which may sound weird.

but. its how it is.

the shit she told me tonight.

a lot of it. i knew already.
and i really hoped it wasnt true.
you know.



it was just strange for me.
because i mean. i introduced her into the whole orlando
thing you know. she knew. my. "friends".


her telling me shit. and im just like...yeah...those
were...you know...my people.
i am SO FUCKING GLAD i got out when i did.



whoever i know who isnt either pregnate, already had a
kid, whos ran away, who has some disease, or who is in
jail, is missing in action, or a combination of these

and its good to know these things. i suppose.


i dont want to know anymore.
thats for damn sure.

in a way i guess tonight represents me closing a chapter.
you know.
a final seal of closure to the "old me".

=) i am so grateful to be where i am and who i am right
a quick glance back. like tonight.
makes it so much better to be alive right now.