lovebuzz

life condensed
2001-08-21 22:30:21 (UTC)

disgustipated

i'm kind of distracted right now by the sounds of Dr. Mario
coming from the living room. i really want to go play.
maybe i will after i write this. i'm afraid to die. not
just mildly.. i'm TERRIFIED. it's borderline insanity. for
as long as i can remember, the thought of not existing
scares the shit out of me. i tried talking with my mom
about it once and she totally dismissed me...
Me: "Mom, do you ever think about what happens when you
die?"
Mom: "Sure, you have a funeral and they bury you".
Me: "No,no, i mean... where you go".
Mom: "Why are you worrying about it, if you have faith then
you'll be fine".
Me: "Um, ok, thanks mom".

So you see, it's this thing that i don't tell anyone about.
i've tried to talk about with my friends, but it seems
useless since they don't share my concern. sometimes i
wonder what dying is like and i can't picture it (probably
because i can't imagine not existing). it's possible that
i'm being irrational about the whole thing.

"hiding in my room, safe within my womb, i touch no one and
no one touches me.."