Lost and Searching
2002-11-25 06:45:41 (UTC)

I don't understand

Friday night before i left for kentucky, i stopped by
nett's but she wasn't there, so i left her a note, that
asked her if she really loved spike then how could she
justify what she had been doing with todd.
How can a person throw the word love around so easily,
when hell i can't even find a person and fall into love
without knowing in the end both of us will be hurt b/c of
my damn illness...not only that but lying to those who you
care about just for the purpose to cheat on them with
someone not only fucked up but an ultimate sin in
my book
i lie to others b/c i don't want their pity, or to hurt
them by leaving them behind, not b/c i want to be with
someone else

i am so tired yet my eyes won't close and need to cry but
not a single tear will form and drop.......

i know i may be alone for the time i have left, but damn i
will also know that i have never ever deceived someone who
i love