sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2002-11-25 06:42:45 (UTC)

i am my weapon, she is my shield

revelations upon revelations...

wow.

recently. its been so much.

and i havent really been voiceing it either.
i dont really think these are things.
that are meant to be.
spoken.
or maybe, they cant be.

but my actions speak it.
and so do hers.

she loves me.

and i know.
its not.
easy.
to do.

but i see it.
more often than her.
sometimes.

so much in my head.

i dont even know what to begin thinking about.

there is so much.

and even though a lot of it.
is bad.
very fucking bad at that.

its life.

challenges.

and, i know.

i can make it through it all.

i know. not because of religion or other peoples faith or
anything.

i know because, of me.

and even more than that.

i know because.

of her.

of us.

its really late and im beyond tired.
and i hope this makes sense when i read of it tomorrow.
because, i feel so much.
and i know so much.
right now.

i am angry.

i am so much more than angry.

but i realize that.

anger is not.
a bad.
thing.

anger, pushes me towards bettering situations.
life.
my life.
her life.
other peoples.
our life.
together.

my anger fuels my everyday actions.
speech.
a lot.

and i dont think its a bad thing.

its good.

to get mad.
be mad.

and we all.
have a lot to be.
angry about.

after so many years.
of people teaching me.
not to feel.
and her too.
in different ways.

teaching. us both.
to be quiet.
that were wrong.
that im wrong.
that shes at fault.

all of that.

no.

i am one fucking angry bitch.

and the world.

better watch out.

because i may be little.
i may not speak too loud.
and i may be smiling most of my life.

but.

i am not nieve.

i am not oblivious.

to how things are.

i work with what is available.

and i cut out the bad shit.

before it can get too bad.

because.

this is the only life i have.

and i refuse.
to let any one.
fuck this up.

i have control over my life.
it may be the only fucking thing i have.
but im not letting anyone take this away from me.

and i will be heard.

one day i swear.

i will fucking right the wrongs.

as much as i can.
before i die.

i will change this.

someone has to.

and ani.

yeah.

seems to me.

like she gave up too.

seems like a lot of people.

have forgotten the cause.

but i havent.

and i may be crazy.

i know damn well i am.

but maybe im just considered crazy.

because

were all so fucking conditioned.
as to what.
is right.
and what is.
wrong.
that we dont even question it any longer.

i love her.

i love her.

i am tired.

i love her.

with every fucking ounce of feeling i have in me.

she and i.
together.
we will rule.
our little kingdom.
like ani and her chicken wire.
except.
my love for her.
doesnt distract me.
it aids me.

she is a good thing.
for me.

she is my inspriation.

she is.

my reason.

for so much.

and she doesnt know it.

but.


she is so much of what i wish i was sometimes.

and when i die

i will die

loving her

and i will die

fighting

to fix

everything that 4637164981748973128 years of bullshit
has caused.

she is my heart.
my soul.
my love.
my bestfriend.
my focus.
my other half.
she is.

my fuel.
for believing.
in happiness.