firebug435

snow angels
2002-11-25 05:04:35 (UTC)

that s not fair she mumbles..

that's not fair she mumbles into his arm, as his fingers
graze her ribcage, hips, devouring and making her squirm.
of course it is, a heavy lidded smile but no answer to a
question never asked, no solutions to be found here but it
doesn't matter now, doesn't ever matter because she's
learned to accept it, ignore it, be content with a warm
body curled behind her so close, protective possesive arm
thrown around her body like she's a rag doll. senses dulled
by alcohol, but she still knows everything that's
happening, except how did she get here, she wonders, where
will she be when morning comes slipping through doorways
and windows and slitted eyelids. something hidden away from
her tonight, something she can almost grab but it runs away
when she gets close,evading her clumsy grasp. in the way
his fingers curl around her face and jaw, eyes gently
closed like there's no place he'd rather be, like all he
wants is to kiss her, now, here. a quality in this that
makes her feel complete, needed, a feeling that has nothing
to do with alcohol or love, but instead something
worthwhile and far more shattering. and it makes her shake,
makes her heart beat oddly, inconsistent, inconsiderate.
pulls deep inside, where there isn't supposed to be
anything left, where it's supposed to belong only to her,
exactly where he shouldn't be but somehow lives. and she
doesn't know what to say now, what to do to prolong this
feeling, knows it won't last through the morning, in fact
wishes it would disappear so quickly she wouldn't notice
it's gone. but knows it won't happen that way, knows the
sun won't be stopped this morning even for her, even for
this. knows that what she has now doesn't even exist in the
moment, has never occured to him, were she to explain it or
examine it outside the context of herself it would
immediately be cheapened, worthless, nonexistent, ordinary.
and this is what she fears more than anything, to be
normal, just one in a long chain of mistakes, something
that never should have happened. hates this passionately,
this realization of her naivete, this certainty that he
regrets it all. but even more, knowing that it doesn't
matter either way.




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