It's Hot in Here...
2001-08-21 06:03:40 (UTC)

How very silly...

I keep telling myself that it's nothing to be worried about,
but somehow I can't seem to get off off my mind. Just
because my boyfriend graduated from college it doesn't mean
anything is going to change...Or does it? I can already
tell that this semester is going to be impossible if it
keeps on like this. I have to get studying done and I have
other obligations to attened to. I can't be spending my
every free second with him, even though sometimes I'd
like to. I'm really worried, which bothers me, because I'm
never the one who worries in relationships...And then I know
it's going to be much worse when he starts working as a
police officer...I'll see him once a week, and going from
practically living together to seing each other once a week
is not my idea of a relationship with healthy growth...But
under no circumstances do I want to split up, so I guess
I'll just have to deal with it...To me it really is worth
it. I"ve ben through enough crapy relationships to know
what's out there, and to know that I don't want any part of
that. He really is everything I have ever wanted in anyone;
he's everything I am and everything I want to be and the
complete opposite of me all at the same time, which I'm not
even sure is possible. All my life, all I ever wanted was
the "fairy tale" or true love...Like the kind in the
movies...and then I woke up and had a healthy dose of
reality thrown my way...I don't think I ever reached the
point of a cynic, but I was pretty freaking close...I'm not
saying he changed my view on love, but I've never been with
anyone who I could see myself getting married to...I've
never been with anyone where I didn't know for SURE that the
relationship was going to end. I always knew with everyone
else that eventually we would be through...But he's the
first one I've WANTED to at least consider the possibility
of spending the rest of my life with...So I guess you could say he
did change my view on love...