helena

in deep sh*t
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Ezoic
2001-08-21 00:35:14 (UTC)

5th entry

I may be getting a $1000 scholarship sometime next semester but I'm just soo depressed to do anything!!People dont know how my life is and I dont tell them much either. They already put me in the category of capable,efficient, self-motivated etc when they really have no idea what my life is about. But that's great because people trust me or something.
My ex hubby has been a real support...he's gonna help me w/ alot of things. Initially I got married to get away from unpleasantness but I wish I really loved him and all. When we got married he was only 19..and I know it was a sacrifice for him because no one ever knew we were married...and if his mom ever knew she would kill both of us. Only his best friend knew...he was like a witness at the ceremony. I went there for a weeks vacation and ended up getting married because I was so unhappy at home. Good times.: )

His mom is a little crazy. It's going to be so wierd when she comes to visit coz she keeps tabs on him as much as she can. Boy I never thought my life would end up this way. I had these ideas about how life was and what you're supposed to do. But it's so true

'Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"

As for my goals I did my very best to put my life together. I mean jesus christ!! I've got 2 years of college so now I'll be making like 40k a year until I got back to school again. what's kept me here longer I was supposed to move out west about 6 months ago.
My dad has this ridiculous habit of giving money away to people and borrowing like a madman and also giving that away. I mean like $70,000. My mom paid part of that off I think so that his 'good name' wont' be tarnished?? She needs to stop trying to save him.

But then this debt came up of my moms that affected me as well so I had to pay it. That's why I had to spend the summer here I should have gone out west about 6 months ago. I had this $1,200 that I had to pay that mom racked up or whatever and there was a misunderstanding with the school. And it was my tuition and I didn't have the damned documents b/c they were in another state and I couldn't fly out to get them because I had no money to pay this off!!! The worst timing in the world!!

I already owe my ex hubby alot of money like $2,000 but he's pretty nice about it and gives me lots of time to pay it off. And they won't give me my transcripts till I fly out and get the documents they want!! I hate these bastards!!

But I'm thinking I'll really make him rich and all...he was so nice to me.

My sister's going to boarding school and shes delighted to be away from all the drama. I think she's looking to just run away with someone too lol. I mean men are really great for that.

I think my dad is just lying to her like he lied to her before. She had to take the whole year of high school because mom messed up on something and she was really mad.She skipped a grade ALL FOR NOTHING!

Sometimes it makes me wonder why you even bother trying to excell?? It's like you'd be better of if you never put in the effort.

I was supposed to be making like $350,000 by now. I'm really terrified about money now..before I never really thought about money or cared that much.

But now about my dad being reckless with it I realize that when you really need it it is a big deal.

My sis and I got shortchanged on so much because of his habits. And in the future I'm really going to look out for her.

My mom is no better. Whatever dad says has to be right and has to be true because she thinks she loves him or something. If I asked her anything before it's like no but when I asked my dad and he said ok she'd also say ok.
I think he resents her because she also liked to control him or something. And he would always feel guilty so I guess her yelling at him and finding fault was enough punishment (in his view) so he could go ahead and do it all again. She also uses me to get to my dad. They don't think I'm a real person...just a stuffed animal or something that carry's conversations to and fro.

As usual its always my ex hubby who looks out for me. He's more like a parent really.If I didn't marry him then God knows where I would be.


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