A Day in the Life of Me
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2002-11-23 03:20:56 (UTC)

windmills turning

How does something that you know is wrong seem so right?
Why am I insistent on having things go my way? Melancholy
envelops my character. Frustration and confusion cloud my
judgement. I can't think straight. Lies just seem to spew.
Preserving friendships seems to be more important than my
own sanity, my own peace.
Everything that I want, everything that I think I need
seems to be slowly crumbling, fading away, changing.
Nothing is constant. It is so hard to expect the unexpected
because what is unexpected always seems to come. So how can
you not expect what will happen?
Just a strong pair of arms to fall asleep in, to be rocked
in. That's all I want. Accesing them is no problem. I just
have to make that decision. Maybe the blades of the
windmill will turn long enough for water and energy to
start flowing and not just kick up dead air. Hopefully soon
I can sit and watch the sunset and then see the stars shine
and just know that all is well, life is good, and I can get
back to living. Until that day I just have to feel the
gentle breeze on my face and take things as they are.
Smelling the roses once in a while is better than only
getting to see them from afar once in a lifetime.

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