ICanOnlyBeHele3

Sunday Aug. 19,2001

*Time: 12:23pm on Monday... shh I won't tell if u won't lol
*Wearing: My "official" dream state white/red shirt and
white shorts... I can't find the shorts that match the shirt
*Jewelry:Tha Usual
*Hair: down messed up...I just got up
*Listenin to : Iris-Goo Goo Dolls and probably sum of my
other MP3's
*Eating/Drinkin: nothing
*Song of the day : Umm... lol I dunno
*Weather: It was cloudy and sorta cool on Sunday
*Talking to :this gurl Trish
*Mood: umm... I was happy and depressed
*Thinking: Grrr... why in the hell did I cut myself again???

~*~SUNDAY BABY~*~*

Sunday I decided to be a lazy bun and sleep until 4pm...
hehe what can I say I was dreaming and didn't want to get
up. Anyway... I got online to read my mail and talk with
sum people... hehe Nick IMed also woo hoo yay baby!!! I
also wrote in my diary which took me bout 2 hours... and
the rest of the day I just did whatever around the house...
then later that night Andria was paging me... so I called
her back to find out she was fighting with Tiff yet
again.... so I got to hear her rant and rave bout that...
and sumtime during our talk Tiff took the phone from Andria
and was like hello... I was like umm... hello? and she was
like let Andria call u back... I was like ooookkk and she
hung up on me.... grrrr So I got all pissy over that... and
I guess Andria called me back... but my mom was on the
phone so she told her to call back... so after my mom got
off the phone I called back and Tiff answered again and was
like call her back and she hung up on me again... I was
like damn that bitch... grrr I hate to be hung up on...
well then I took my shower to cool myself down cuz my heart
was like beating all fast and all this... well while I was
in the shower Andria paged me... and I really didn't want
to call back cuz I didn't want to be hung up on yet
again... but I called back and I guess Andria and Tiff were
on good terms again... yeah whatever grrr Andria didn't
talk to me much she was like let me call u back... which
would've been the third time... grr so when she called me
back we didn't talk much and she was in the car appearly
mad at Tiff again... and she left me go again and said she
would call me today... woo hoo another day of that shit...
I think Tiff gets mad cuz Andria is always calling me or is
over here... but hey thats how it is.. so I guess she will
have to get over it huh... if not she can suck my left tit
lol

~*~*LATER THAT NIGHT PAST MIDNIGHT~*~*

Well after I got off the phone with Andria I decided to
get back online... which I wish now that I didn't do cuz it
led up to me cutting myself again :( See everything was all
cool at first I was talking to Liz,Kelly, and who ever else
Imed me... and this one guy Imed me... and was like u know
what your one ugly fat bitch... and all this other stuff
that I'm trying not to remember... so I told Liz... and she
was trying to make me feel better which she did a little
bit... but either way I was feeling so bad cuz I guess I am
what he said cuz he hasn't been the only one to call me
that... I dunno how he figures that I'm fat from my pic
since it only shows me from my shoulders up but yeah
whatever I am... So I signed off at 12:30 and went to my
grams to watch sum tv and whatever... but when I went into
my room later that night... I took out my knife and cut
both of my upper thighs, my left ankle, and my right
thumb... the ones on my thighs look really bad... maybe cuz
I put finger nail polish remover in them? I dunno but they
do... :( I didn't bother to wash out the polish remover
either so they also went numb sorta and I don't care...If
I'm sooo ugly as people claim me to be... then why not make
my body uglier? I mean damn ohh well... but as I sit here
and look at my cuts... I know it isn't worth it... but I
can't help it... cutting is like the only thing to help
me... but damn why in the hell did I do these so bad? I
think I did them like that cuz my knife wouldn't cut so I
just did it harder and longer... well anywho after I cut I
listened to music and went to bed...and that was my
Sunday... well I'm going to dip cuz I need to go and take
my shower cuz I'm going with Jr and Gram to the doctor...
to see what is up with Jr... so I'll talk to u later bye
bye 4 now peace b wild!