GillybeanG

Boys are confusing
2002-11-22 04:49:53 (UTC)

Friends? Or are they?

I'm so frustrated with my so called "friends". TOnight
they walked right past my room on the way to dinner and
didn't even invite me to go with them. I'm always so
considerate of them to see if they have someone to eat
with. But then they turn around and don't even consider
me. Not that I didn't have other people I can eat
with....but it's just the thought. And then they went out
tonight without even seeing if I wanted to go. Not that I
would have gone cause I'm really tired. But still. It
makes me feel so bad about myself because I consider them
to be my good friends. And it hurts that they don't want
me around. I think I need to try to distance myself from
them. They aren't good for me. They only use me when they
need me. I hate that. It hurts. If nobody else can eat
with them then they ask me. Arrrrrrgh. Are they mad at me?
What have I done? It makes me feel so horrible. Am I that
annoying or unfun? They are mostly the reason why I cry
everytime I get drunk I think. Them and Fitz. They both
make my life miserable on occasion. People Suck! The
school nurse called me today about checking up on my
medicine and counseling stuff. I need to talk to her but
she just called and left a message and I have a hard time
with returning people's calls. I hate talking to people on
the phone especially people that I don't know. But I need
to do this. I want to get better. I hate feeling the way I
do. I have friends. People like me. Why can't I just be
happy? I want to be happy more than anything. Sometimes I
am. Am I depressed? or just sad? I can't tell..But I
really have my highs and lows sometimes....I don't know.




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