The Journal of Greg Rodriguez
2001-08-20 06:03:36 (UTC)

August 20, 2001 1:47 AM

Dear Journal,

This is weird. I feel like I'm crossing some
technological threshold. I have an online journal. See, for
the past seven years or so, I've been writing in a black
and white notebook, with Sailor Moon stickers on it. I
guess maybe it was time for a change. Get with the times,

The other thing is that I'm used to writing in my journal
only when crisises pop up in my life. It doesn't happen
that often; so needless to say, the good ol' black and
white doesn't get filled in much.

Alright, so enough about stupid shit. Let's see what's
going on right now. In two days, I'm going back to college
at SUNY New Paltz. It's the second year, and Lord knows it
can only get better. At least, I'm hoping it doesn't get
worse. The main thing that sucked about freshman year was
basically, my total social coma. I mean, I went from going
out and doing all sorts of fun, teenage shit, to being
stuck in a room with a fat guy named Ed. I'm not kidding.

Ed was cool, but didn't really feel he had a place at
Paltz. At the beginning of last year, it was the total
opposite for me. I had met a group of kids at orientation
who were cool as hell, or so I thought. As the year
progressed, I started to get the feeling that I was not
only not wanted there, but that I didn't BELONG there. It
was crazy. I'm a bit crazy in that I think all my friends
secretly don't give a shit about me, but this feeling went
beyond my fucked-up head. So there I was, in November,
alone, friendless, and completely shut out of the pipeline.
It sucked hard.

I hated seeing all these cliques, so set in their
rosters. I know that I'm a fun person to be around; there's
no doubt in my mind. I can be a little shy sometimes, and
blurt out corny things, but that's the extent of it. All I
needed was a chance to jump in one of them. All it would've
taken was a spark of a conversation with somebody I liked,
and before long, with a little luck, I could've made some
new friends. Alas, life kicked me in balls pretty hard. I
went through the entire year without going out to kegs,
bars, or doing ANYTHING that was remotely close to what
the "college experience" was supposed to be about. I sat on
my ass, tried to keep up with my work the best I could, and
watched TV. For six months. A LONG six months.

I'm going into this year very cautiously. My new
roommate, Sean, tried to get ahold of me a couple days ago,
but I was out. I called him tonight, but no dice.
Hopefully, we'll talk before Wednesday, so I can get a
rough idea of what he's like. I'm hoping he's cool.

So that's about it for tonight. I'm gonna go try to get
some sleep. Later