stini2002

Goddam family

Hello diary
I sincerely am beginning to think that i have the
strangest family ever. It's quite terrifying. Maybe it's
the culture, but my mom's side of the family, is from
china, and they don't ahve many " american " habits.
GODDAMIT......i hate it sometimes. They never shut they
door when using the bathroom, and if that's not bad enough,
they talk about they're toilet problems at dinner in
chinese. I sincerely wish i didn't understand chinese. MY
grandma was goign off about her diarrheria problems at the
dinner table. I had to go excuse myself to go barf in the
backyard. I still feel sick.
Ahh........dammit. I'm getting in a fight with my parents
again. LIke usual, they hate me.....oh well, what's new.
Anwyas, for the last 3 days. I've been basically
locked in my house, and I have absolutely nothing except
study study and study more. My mom is obseesesed over my
grades, the SATs and colleges. She is goign crazy, i swear.
I spend all day memorizing vocabulary to improve my vocab
score, and practicing essay writing for the SAT II writing,
and studying for the DMV writing test, and reading for my
AP english class next year, and i study AP CAlclurs, for my
night class. Don't forget my SAT class at Kaplin, and the
homework i have for taht......and.....oh i forgot about my
ON TARget.......writing fucking college admissions
letters....what a fucking wonderful summer..huh ? OH yeah,
understand this....i'm goign to be taking 2 night classes
at my local community college, because my mom is forcing me
too. What a shitty life. I have been locked in my house, so
I can't do anything. I can't go see any friends. they've
ruined all my plans for summer, i can't throw any parties,
I can't go anywhere, and they expect me to plan a way to
use these tickets my mom has for Universal Studious, even
though i'm locked in my house, and can't do anything. what
the hell is up with that?
" I don't want you to be upset" my mom is saying to me
right now. * laughs at herself*.......chrisitne......tisk
tisk tisk tisk.
Lol......i don't even know what i'm doing right now.
Basically, besides the 24-7 obsessing my parents are doing
right now, they ignore me whenever i plead for a chance at
happiness. LIke tonight, i begged to do something, but
instead i was given an SAT II practice test to do ( i've
finished about 18 SAT and SAT II books....i'm not fukcing
kidding, i have shelves in the garage, stacked of horrid
SAT books). It's like an educational sweat shop at my
house. Since i was 7 years old, i've been forced to do
stupid educational things such as KUMON.....i was basically
locked in my room when i was younger, and forced to
repeatedly complete math problmes, and stupid shit. That is
probalby one reason why i hate my mom with a vengeance. My
mom creaps into my room, when it is still cold and crisp in
my room, and snatches away my bed covers, and forces me to
get up before the crack of dawn, to bitch and wine at me,
for being the stupid person i am, and how come i'm not as
good as " everbody" else.
I want nothing else than to know who i am, and what i
truly want. I 've been brainwashed so many times, i feel
like soggy re fried beans, that have been sitting on the
shelf for too long. Un-needed, and obviously not very
wanted. I want to wake up one morning, and having a feeling
of being an actualy person, of being whole, of being
complete, however one wishes to phrase it. I want to live
the life, and enjoy it. NOtice how enjoy is the key word in
that sentence. I want a " regular life". ( yeah.....so i
already know that one doesn't exist.....you got a point?)
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................if your'e readin this..don't take much of
this seriously, i'm really pissed right
now.........................................................
...................................continued on next entry

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