Traded your worth for these scars...
2001-08-20 03:09:05 (UTC)

I will be alright...

Well...it's been about 3 or 4 days since my friends have
been gone and I've come to a conclusion...I'm gonna be just
fine. It was weird at first to think about them not being
here all the time, but now, I suddenly feel better about
Today was the first time at church...without Jen there. At
first, I thought it wouldn't be so weird, like it would
feel like she was just not there b/c she was sick or out of
town or something, but that wasn't the case at all. Me and
Ash both felt a sort of..emptiness this morning, and
neither one of us liked it. One thing that Ash said this
morning just really made it a reality for me. Ya see, we
were laughin about something that the song leader was
wearing (haha..ok, I know it's mean..but it's funny) and
Ash goes "Man, Jennifer would love that." That's when it
all hit me...and it was soooo strange. BUT, all in all, it
wasn't really that bad. I mean, Ash was there...and I am
soo grateful for that. I have a really good feelin about
mine and Ash's friendship this year...I really think it's
gonna be a great year for us.

So, back to the whole college thing. I was so worried that
when my friends went away, they wouldn't have time for me
anymore...and I would very rarely getta talk to them. But,
so far, I've talked to both Tess and Jennifer pretty much
every day since they've been gone...and guess who called me
tonight?? AMY!!! Yep, I was sooo excited to hear from her!
It was so awesome, cause when we were talkin on the
phone...it was as if she was sittin her livin room on 650
talkin to me, ya know? It didn't feel any
different...except for the fact that she was talkin to her
roomate while we were on the phone:) That was weird.
Instead of hearing Becky in the background like normal, I
hear this unfamiliar voice. I mean, not that I dislike her
roommate or anything, I just would rather hear Becky's
little voice instead...ya know?

So...here's my prediction for this coming "academic year"
(not an academic year for me of course, just for my
friends:) is this...I think I will have a lot of fun workin
at the day care, having a steady job..makin lots of money,
weekends off...it'll be good. It'll also be good for me in
the way that it will give me some major
responsibility...and I need that. I need that in order to
grow and mature. I also think that I will become more
involved with church this year. Since I can't use the
excuse "Well, tonight is our homecoming dance." or "Oh, but
it's the last time I'll ever getta do this in high school",
I will be able to do more...spend more time with my
brothers and sisters in Christ. I also feel really good
about my friendship with Ashley (as well as the other
Ashley! haha). I'm lookin so forward to gettin to know Ash
F better, and I'm also lookin forward to spending more time
with Ash B. I just love her...and I know we're gonna have
funt his year. We're gonna take a lot of road trips..we
already decided, and my mom didn't even object to it! haha

I guess what I'm tryin to say by all of this, is even tho I
kinda wish I coulda gone to college this year, I really
think I made the right decision by stayin out a year..and I
think it will really help me out in the long run. I also
think that a year of working and not having hardly any
social life at all will make me wanna go to college next
fall that much mroe! hahaha