I never wanted a desk job...
2002-11-21 20:49:33 (UTC)

I hate my job

I hate it so much that I just want to smash my computer
onto the floor, scream, and run out of the building right
now. It's crazy.

I AM NOT A SALESPERSON. Okay, I'm a vendor. I call
freakin goddamn school superintendents and ask them to buy
software. But I must not percieve myself very well,
because I have been here since February, and I have yet to
make a goddamn fucking sale. I'm sick of this. I'm sick
of calling them, sick of tying to sell this shit, sick of
getting turned down. I need a break.

Okay, a cigarrete and piss break later, I'm still angry.
This damn job is by far the most fucked-up thing I've ever
had. The people here are so damn catty and selfish it's
unbelievable. We're supposed to be a team, but I have yet
to see any team effort on anything done.

I hate being broke, too. Technically, I should be doing
fine. I shouldn't be as broke as I am. I just don't know
where all the damn money goes every month. I'm trying so
hard to track everything and figure out where it all goes,
but it's a loss to me. I don't know where it goes. It's
all just stupid shit. Before I moved up here, I had
everything figured out. But then I met M, and my finances
went to shit. As much as I hate to say it, there are days
that I severely regret meeting him. Yeah, I've had fun,
but my plans have progressed nowhere near to what I had
imagined for myself two years ago.

I just need to get out. Out of this job, out of this dead-
end relationship, out of this town. And it frustrates me
to no end that none of it can happen right now. I'm just
not in the position to do that. But things better change
pretty soon, otherwise something drastic may happen.