Nick's Journal
2002-11-21 16:41:17 (UTC)

Piss to a shit

Have you ever had one of those moments where you think you
needed to shit? But then right as you get your ass on the
toilet seat nothing happens? That's so annoying. That's
what i like about urination. ya get to the stall and it's
working. however, it's a sociologically proven fact that
it takes you longer to start urination if there's another
around you. of course now that you've read this the next
time you go it's going to take even longer cos you're
going to think of this. :-)
anyhow. today i had to urinate. badly, but i only had a
minute before my class started. so i ran to the stall and
started going and then it happened.....
now i really hate this. it's when you're pissing and all
of a sudden you get a violent urge to shit, so all you can
really do is clinch your buttcheeks to keep it from coming
out like a god damn waterfall. of course the double edged
sword comes when you realize that clinching your asshole
tightly shut also puts pressure on that urinary muscle and
you're not going either. so now you have a choice between
blowing your bladder or covering the floor in shit.
but usually the urge to shit subsides and you're cool to
the only problem is that you're not. you're stuck with
that shit. it keeps on rapping on your asshole like a
incessant jehovah's witness on a door. pretty soon it
starts farting, and the next thing you know you're
smelling like a mexican. the worst is that they can come
out juicy so you have to kind of mitigate the damage to
your drawers. the worst is if you keep it in, because
then it's just going to come out very violently (i'm
talking farts here). see farts are like a bratty kid, you
give it one cookie and it wants turn your back
on it and it knocks over the cookie jar.
and let me tell you......when you knock over that cookie
jar with your anus, and it's during class......phew, you
better hope to god that there's a bathroom close by. cos
that's usually the tremor before the earthquake. the
earthquake filled with shit.
that is all.