sweetaddiction

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2002-11-21 06:43:24 (UTC)

i am in love with you.

i missed her so much today.

god. i really miss her.

its good. missing her. it is.

but it still sucks nonetheless.

and i wish there was some way that i could let her know,
you know.
saying "i miss you" just doesnt cover it.

i went out with brittany and her gf jennifer tonight.

its just. i dont know.

i kept looking at them. theyre new and all. but im just
like. listening to what they were talking about. or the
way they reacted to one another. and im just like.

wow.

yeah.

im really glad im not apart of that anymore.

i dont know.

its just so obvious to me that both of them have like deep
rooted issues and ties with other people.

i just. i dont know.

i dont feel like that anymore. i guess.

i mean.

like.

im just so...over. all of that.

all of the "other" people in my life.

it just...seems so. silly to me now. i dont know.

im sounding stupid.

its just. it just seems like, not insignificant.
because i dont really think anything or anyone in your
life doesnt play a part, you know.

its just like, it doesnt phase me anymore.

like, yeah im upset that jennifers getting married you
know.
fucking, of course.
but i would never want to be with her.
ever.

ever.

all of the romantic fucking stupid thoughts i had about
her for those years.

it just seem like i was killing time or something, you
know.

i mean.

it just feels so real with emily. and i dont know how to
put it.

like, were not perfect. i honestly doubt that we're ever
going to be. you know. as a couple.

but i wouldnt want it any other way.

i just love her so much.

its real. real. love.

working love.

not fabricated could be maybe someday like if this and
this works out and yeah then you know.

no. its like, here and now and yes i love you even though
weve never even lived close to each other. even though
shits been difficult and situations have been fucked up
for whatever reason.

we make it work.

and i think that says a lot more than just circumstance
making it work for you.

you know what i mean?

im fucking rambling man. lol.

so i kinda like. got part of a tampon stuck inside of me.
i think. and i dont really know what to do about it. so.
yeah.

im so glad i have a new cell phone. im so glad that only
people that i want to have the number will have this
number.

i cant wait to leave orlando.

its just like a new chapter in my book of life.

and i want to do this right.

im over the bullshit. so OVER the bullshit.

im glad sergio is coming back soon. i miss him.

hes such a great guy. i hate it when guys are assholes to
him. it makes me angry. he deserves so much more than that
you know.

i dont feel very good.

i think im going to sleep.

baby, if you read this. i dont know if you will.

but. if you do.

when i said youre my heart this weekend. to those people.
marc and them.

i really meant it.

like your wallet.

its there. with you.

i cant tell you how grateful i am.
to have been impacted as i have by you.

youve done so much for me.

you have it all kid. all of it.

and i miss you. and i wish that you were here with me
right now. i wish you were waiting in my futon like when i
get home from school.

youre so beautiful baby girl...god.

do you understand me?

i cant believe ive fallen so much.

i cant believe i am even like capable of feelings like
this.

i didnt know.

this weekend.

was amazing.

i needed that. you know. i needed away time with you.

its difficult at times. this whole. this is how it is now
thing. you know what i mean?

but at times like this weekend. its just like.
confirmation of sorts.

im sleepy now.

i love you.


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