My Dirty Laundry
2001-08-19 22:26:04 (UTC)

My solo pregnancy

I cannot believe that the one person in the world that I am
supposed to connect with in every way, has no clue about
what I need. I think that its possible that he is just too
thick headed to even understand that not everyone is like
him. Especially me. He has no emotional depth, no loyalty.
Thinking about all that I have sacrificed for him just
makes me sick. I am 22 and pregnant. I have no real social
life (anymore) to speak of. He used to get so jealous when
I would go out and he'd constantly question me about how
many guys hit on me and what I did, how many beers I'd
drink, etc..I cannot believe that I gave so much up for a
man who calls me a f*ing cunt, a dumass, a f*ing bitch and
so on. So now I am working 2 jobs and going to school full-
time to save money for the baby and for "us." He cannot
even do so much as give up drinking to support me until I
can partake in it again. So now I have told him that I dont
want to see him when he is drinking or after he has been.
So while I am busting my ass waiting tables Fiday and
Saturday nights-where do you think he is? Thats right-out
drinking. I do not care if he goes out with his friends,
but I sure as shit am not going to sit around doing nothing
anymore to make him feel secure. I am out-pregnant and all!
(not drinking of course) Why should I treat him like I want
to be treated when he has made it abundantly clear-that he
will not bend. "Why are you trying to change me-Ive always
been this way." What a typical stupid man. It is always us
women changing for their man. It is always us sacrificing.
I m so sick of it. So, even though others may not agree
with what I am asking him to do for me and think that I am
making a big deal over something stupid-do I stick to my
guns. If this is what will make me happy-should I let go of
it just because others say that I am being silly? I mean-
why should I be the only one whose life and lifestyle is
affected because I am pregnant? Why should I have to feel
so alone in this? I dont think that I should.

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