2002-11-20 06:57:56 (UTC)


my first and down to the last this is my diary...i write
with a lot of...these things and it might be alittle confusing so i
apologize i must say i find it a little odd to write
my thoughts down on a blank piece of vitual paper but c'est la
vie...i'm at odds with whethere or not I am going against diary or
writers traditions by not writing with my hand instead of my fingers
typing on a keyboard...screw it...the world's going to war (unless i
can stop them!) today was a monumental day in the fact
that I finally finally finally told my brother i was went
like this...

me: so paul i need to talk to you.

paul: yeah i waited for you last night but you never came home.

me: yeah sorry i went to nonna's.

paul: ok. so what?

me: well i think i should tell you the fact that i'm (pause) kinda

paul: kinda? your fucking flaming.

me: (laughs) yeah i know! then we talked and laughed some more...he told me to suck as
much dick as i can because who gives a was funny...then he
told me about his threesome with his friend in high went
like this...

paul: did i ever tell you about my gay friend in high school?

me: no why what happened.

paul: well i was having a threesome with him and a girl and i was
fucking this girl and then all of a sudden he grabs my balls. i'm
like buddy your grabbing my balls. he's like yeah i know. i'm like
well stop grabbing them now please.

me: (laughs) i can't believe your telling me this.

paul: yeah so then in the car home he tells me like this. so paul
i'm gay. and i'm like yeah i know you fucking grabbed my balls like
ten minutes ago.

me: (laughs) that's so funny!

...yeah so that was that today...

...heads up to my wonderful fiend of a cat friend i have that goes by
the moniker of natalie...and the world should know that she has the
most delicious rambunctious round pieces of breast flesh i have ever
seen ever... me and aimee talked today about our complete lack of motivation
towards school and all things positive...we find ourselves wanting to
get drunk and laid more and more and its kinda scary...i think its
because of the lack of love and sex that it is in my life...i'm
finding this giant huge current need and want and desire for love and
sex with a human male that for the life of me grows worse and worse
every day...i want to be with one person who will love me and i him
and we live happily ever after living under bright white track
lighting and just fabulous home decor...just kidding but you know
what i mean right? (right?)...ah its all nuts and insane living in
this world and realizing what it truly means to live and live
well...honesty and respect...another thing is the fact that I look
forward to my weekends way too much...i look forward to soaking up
the life and experiences that await me like a huge giant sponge...but
i know as you know that sponges have holes and unfortunately cannot
retain what they're holding for very long...unless of course we're
talking about super sponges and then for sure i so wanna be a super

...i decided that my title for my movie was going to be love
deluxe!...i borrowed that title from the transcendental sade and i
owe her some credit so im doing it here...i think the title is beyond
perfect and is so sensual and enticing and fun...i lowe it! as raman
would say in her beautific indian script is far from done
but with a title like that i'm more than halfway there...

...and and and one last thing to note that as we count down to one i
want you to know that i love what i'm doing right now and it feels
exceptionally good and warm and all around good (i said that already
didn't i?) keep on reading and keep on breathing cause we're one down and
waiting for godot...